Tag: humor

Family · Home

Wire-trap

shelie275 Comments

My Mom came over to my house last week and I had the Alexa playing music. She was surprised because I would  name a song and Alexa would play the song.

She asked me how Alexa was hooked up, and I told her through our home internet. I told her I paid 4 dollars a month for unlimited music.

This morning she called to tell me a story about my niece.

When she was done with her story, she told me she heard Alexa could record your conversations inside your house, and on your phone. She told me, she had noticed when she was talking to me at times the phone would repeat back to her what we were saying on her end of the line. I said, if the government wanted to spy on me let them! We are over here talking about a cup of coffee splitting in half while I was taking a drink, and coffee splashed all over the place…

She chuckled and said I’m making you aware of what I’ve heard.

We hung up and there was knock at my door. Leery, I opened the blinds and two men in bright yellow vest were standing there. One man introduced himself. I spoke up and told them to hold on, I have to put some clothes on. I stepped outside and asked them where they were from. They said they were tax inspectors from an Assessors office taking pictures of our property for tax files, and there was nothing they needed from me, right now.

I started thinking about an unfamiliar Bill in the mail, and how I needed to call the doctors office and find out what’s going on. I decided to heat up a cup of coffee in the microwave. I had my phone in one hand and put the cup of coffee in the microwave with the other. I dialed the phone number, put the phone up to my ear and heard silence.

I looked up at the microwave and noticed I dialed the number of the doctors office into the microwave keyboard.

My Mom has me giving Alexa the side-eye!

 

memories

The Man In Front Of Me

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I took a few of my residents to the ballet last night. I couldn’t  tell you the last time I had been to a ballet. I enjoyed watching them all dance, and the Ballerinas in their  purple, yellow, and pink tutu’s were stunning. I can’t tell you the plot of the show, though. I can tell you about the man in front of me.

He was alone.

He sat slouched a bit, with his legs crossed. His right elbow was placed up on his armrest with his hand up over his mouth. He was wearing a blue stocking hat, a pair of lighter colored jeans, and an oversized gray thermal shirt.

During intermission he was leaned up against the wall with glasses on reading the “Wall Street Journal.” He had a book with him and I’ll be damned if the title was covered up by the program pamphlet!

The program continued and I sat there staring at him for a smile, a tear, a sigh, but nada. He sat the same way the whole time. One thought I had, maybe this was Liam Neeson, he’s been spotted in town alone a few times, but Liam Neeson is tall this guy was average  five-eight or nine, maybe.

I decided he was there reminiscing about the time he danced in the ballet, and he was critiquing all the performers dance moves. He thought the show in this one-horse town was mediocre!

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Should I Let The Balls Fall Where They May?

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I’m at a crossroads in my life. I think, I have been here for a while. I know I told all of you who follow me, I had a new job as the Activity Director. I worked years in this same facility as a Nursing Assistant. I enjoyed being there as a Nursing Assistant in the beginning and the middle of the job. The job just got repetitive, I caught myself not giving my all as a Nursing Aid and did not enjoy the feeling of being half-assed!

The Activity Director

Has a lot of responsibilities. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m pulling my own weight…

Last Saturday, My husband and I drove two of our residents, and a bus full of other olympians who  belonged to another company. We drove to P-town for State Bowling Competition. They asked if they could hitch a ride on our bus. We left around 7:00am and we should have left earlier. I had forgotten to check the gas tank the night before and we were on empty. My husband took a wrong exit to find a gas station. We ended up going around in a circle, and started back from square one. The time is now 7:25am and we are just leaving S-town, the town where we are from. We had to be on the lanes ready to go by 9:00am. We strolled in at 8:40am and the lady from the company who hitched a ride said she was going to run in and register her athletes. I gathered every one-off the bus as quick as I could. A man from the other company came and grabbed the ramps they needed for their olympians. I got both of my residents into the bowling alley and on their lanes. My husband parked the bus, and grabbed the two ramps we would need. I went to registration, registration started from 8:00am – 9:00am. The time, now is 8:55am. I barely made the deadline. I was headed back to their lanes, when a volunteer came up to me, and said: “both of my athletes need name tags.” I stuck my hand into the registration envelope pulled them out and walked as fast as my chubby self would carry me sideways through the crowd. I slapped them on my athletes. Then the lady who hitched a ride with us informs me my residents needed their ramps set up. I had yet to set up ramps at all in this job position. I asked her as opening ceremony was going on if she thought I could use the ramps of the opposing athletes? She said “Shelley, you will have to ask them, where are our other ramps?” I told her they were up front, and I don’t think I have time to set them up. She said “GO GET THEM” my husband took off running to do as she said and we ALL helped put them together, and put them on their lanes. I don’t know what time I had everything together, however I do know it was a close call. I also know these two people saved my ass.

I still have to take all these ramps back to the bowling alley. I felt I owed this woman a favor for saving my ass! I told her we had bowling on my calendar for Tuesday, Tuesday being yesterday. I called the bowling alley to find out their hours have changed. They would not be open until 4:00Pm. I get off at 4:30PM and the residents eat around 5:00. The ramps didn’t make their way to the bowling alley yesterday.

Today my son is coughing.

My husband stayed home yesterday to be with him, now its my turn. I was working yesterday, maybe I should have taken the ramps back after 4PM. I had a choir coming in to perform for my residents around 7:00pm. I’m going to go into work, tonight to take back the ramps when my husband gets home. The reason being is because tomorrow we take twelve residents to go shopping. We leave at 10am the ramps take up two seats on the bus. I’m thinking they need to be out of the bus before we go grocery shopping. My luck we won’t be able to cram everyone into the 15 seats we have on the bus. I have my assistant, and two volunteers going tomorrow.

Whomever this letter concerns,

I have a calendar full of activities this month. One being a Christmas party with residents and their families. I feel the pressure is on. They also have a New Years eve party which is in this same month. I’m not for sure I like this feeling, I don’t know though if I’m just not used to working this hard? I don’t know, if its to physical for me because I’m a chub. I do know I have seen other chubby people doing the job. I have always had trouble focussing, and this job is all focus and organization. I wonder though if I’m lacking help or perhaps the job has to many things going on for two people to handle?

This is where YOU come in. I’m asking you guys, I guess since I’m asking you can let me have it!!!

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Juice Machines

shelie2714 Comments

I’m irritated most of the time.

I do believe the hustle of parenting, work, maintaining my marriage and a house, are normal stressors that could cause irritation.

Then.

There are problems I bring on myself. Health, financially, and the way I let others affect me.

Then.

We all have cards we are dealt in life, we just have to deal with them and patiently wait to “stack up again.” Some people will tell us “it’s still all up to you, your  attitude, how you choose to act when you’re in the trenches.

I feel before long with all this positive attitude shit were all going to be running around looking like the audience of the Hunger Games!

Anyway.

I would Love nothing more to trash talk right now but I can’t. I’m mad because I have to take the “high road.”

The feds are lurking around my blog like fruit flies around a juice machine, waiting to ruin the down pour of fresh fruit juice.

Today.

Gabe, made me smile. He made Red a helmet of armor, with a belt, and weapon. I hope he makes me one, tomorrow! Continue reading “Juice Machines” →

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Dad, Told Me Never Backwards, Only Forwards

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I moved into a new position at work, You’re looking at the new Activity Director of the home where I work. I plan events for the residents. Bowling, fishing, picnicking, parties, and games. I enjoy my new job. To be honest, the work has not been all fun and games. My biggest challenge has been planning  the calendar for each month. I plan all the activities and make sure none of the events run into one another. I have trouble with focusing. This requires me to triple check my work. I also have others look over my work, and they have been happy to help me out.

The job is challenging, and I’ve wanted to throw in the towel, because of my lack of organization skills, and focussing.

Today: Was Special Olympics Fun Day with friends. The organization, paired up the residents, with a one on one friend (volunteer). They took them to games, karaoke, lunch, and a concert featuring: Elvis. I got to sit, and write.

The other night I was able to go out with Freebird. We went to dinner and caught up a bit, then we went to see the movie IT! The movie was alright, not bad, but not great. The eerie part of the movie to me, was the back story of the children who were not only victims of the clown, but abuse in their day-to-day life. They were not just abused by their parents, but bullies too.

King was no stranger to the hell that went on in the 1980s!

I  have, started reading again but not your blogs. I’ve been reading about Jeffrey Dahmer, Ottis Toole  and Henry Lee Lucas. Ottis Toole killed Adam Walsh. Henry Lee Lucas was his partner and “alleged” lover. These men set the sail “as a mid-1980s panic over stranger abductions, one out of petrified kids and Paranoid parents. Kids used to be able to go out and organize a kickball game, and now all playdates and the social lives of children are arranged and controlled by parents.” This statement hit home with me. I put my child on a short leash. He’s not stayed all night with anyone, but I have let him walk next door and play with a friend, he also walks to school with him, and his dad every once in a while.

The movie IT in my opinion is about fear. The chains fear can have on you.

Fear: will stunt the growth of a child, a new career for an adult, help for a drug user, marriage, and divorce. The list can go on and on, you get my point, don’t you?

The other day on my drive to work a squirrel darted out in front me he or she was giving it all he or she had.

Focused on what was in front of him or her and front legs and back legs hitting nothing but pavement. I couldn’t help to be envious of the drive this animal had to get across the street the way it did!

 

friendship

The Year Before Forty, And The Comments People Are Making, And Have Made To Me.

shelie2732 Comments

a friend of mine asked me “Shelley are YOU going to the class reunion?”I had went the last few years mind you, and none of my friends, whom I  went to school with, and still hang out with now, attended the reunion. There wasn’t a lot of people who showed up at the reunions in the past.

I said: no I think I will pass this year.

“Shelley you should go”

Why, no one went last year?

“Shelley this is the year people start dying, and Shit”

Gabe

The other morning, when dropping him off at school. He makes his way to the middle, where he is sitting next to me. I’m thinking he’s going to give me a goodbye KISS…

“Mom, when you were a kid did they have televisions in the olden days”

Um Gabe, yes, it was not that long ago. Get out of my car!

A Friend

Her daughter, told us she would take our picture together. We give her the camera, scoot in close, and smile. She just stands there giving us a-deer-in-the-headlights, look.

Her Mom says: “what are you waiting for?”

“You guys need to do duck lips or do something in the photo?”

We purse our lips, she shakes her head, we give each other bunny ears, she shakes her head, we stick our tongues out, She shakes her head, we grab one another laughing uncontrollably, and she hands the camera back to her Mom, and says: “never mind!”

Coffee with a neighbor

SHE got on the subject of talking about Sex. I joined in on the conversation, and was agreeing with her about certain techniques, and she says: “Oh, so you and your husband still do it?”

Yea, we do

“that so Awesome”

Umm we have only been together nine years were freaking newly weds for crying-out-loud

Last Night At Work

I made a wise-crack to the cook. I’m sorry I cannot remember what I said (It’s a part of my old age.) He told me what you said you reminded me of “Steve Marten on Saturday Night Live he always used to say that same phrase.”

“Do you remember?”

No, what year are you talking about?

“In the seventies”

No, I wasn’t born until 1977!

“Oh really, how old are you”

I’m forty, 

“Really, when did you turn forty?

Monday, I turned forty, three days ago!

 

Family

Journal, Entry

shelie278 Comments

Yesterday, was my first day off I had since last Monday. I told you last time we had gone in to overtime at work, because we WERE short-staffed. We have two residents who are on hospice care. The boss wants two people on duty at all times, because both of the residents are total care.

When Steve (my husband) came home from work, he fired up the grill. I wrapped up potatoes in foil, to have him put on the grill. I finished doing what was left of the dishes, and HE sucked up the leaves, with the blower!

The sun was shining, kids were laughing, playing, and I could smell freshly cut grass.

I decided to walk over to the school, and pick Gabe up from after school care. He was on the swing by himself, and I quietly stood there watching him swing. One of his friends came up to him holding a soccer ball. He asked Gabe if he would play soccer with him? Gabe, said no. I then spoke up from behind him, and said: why not? He said “Mom where did you come from?”

We gathered up his backpack, jacket, and signed him out. He told me he was on green (which is good.) Then told me there was a note in his bag. I un-zipped the bag as we walked home, and he helped me pull the note out of his blue folder. The note read “Is Yelling A Daily Event At Your House” I stopped, and looked at Gabe after I finished reading the invite to the school from a speaker who is going to share “effective techniques of getting through to our kids without yelling.”

I asked him if he thought we needed the class? “he said: “well Dad does.”

I shoved the paper back into the bag. I could see my husband working in the yard, as Gabe, and I got closer to the driveway.

Gabe, crossed the street, and I paused as I watched him walk up into the yard.I couldn’t help but ask God, how did I ever get here? what in the world, did I do deserve this moment?

The sun shining, Gabe laughing, and Steve in the front yard, working, and waiting for us to come home. If I happen not to make it through the day Lord, thank you, thank you, for another beautiful day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family · memories

Christmas Eve, And Christmas Day

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I would like to share how our Christmas went. This was the first year, my husband had his children here on Christmas. We had them the day after Christmas last year, and we were grateful. This year even more so, because all of our kids were together on Christmas morning.

Gabe, woke up at about 12:30 a.m and informed me Santa had been here. He climbed into bed right beside me, and was shaking to the point I thought something was wrong. I asked him if he was alright? 

Yes, Mom I’m so excited!

He did tell me his legs were hurting. He gets growing pains during the night. (The doctor is aware and has told me they’re growing pains). We got up to get him pain reliever, and as we walked through the kitchen, he stopped, and stared into the living-room at our small white tree, with gifts underneath.

I could stand here all night, mom!

I chuckled, gave him his medicine, and told him we had to go back to bed. I drift off for about an hour and a half and wake up to him telling his brother:

I got another Bowser amibo! 

I slapped Steven  awake, and told him their in their opening presents! He hops right up like someone is breaking into the house. Before he leaves the room, I said don’t yell their excited. I hear him say:

Did you open all your gifts without us…

Gabe, continued to tell him what he got. He pushed him back to bed, and told him to not get up until morning.

They all woke up around 8:00 a.m and we watched them open their presents. I was worried, because a few of them had a bit more than the other. Neither one of our children said anything about their amount of presents.

This was also the first year, I did Christmas dinner. Steve asked me if we could have dinner here since he had to take the kids back the next morning, I agreed. I kept dinner real simple, especially being my first time. We had a ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, green been casserole, and rolls. I burnt the rolls.

I sipped on Bailey’s’ while I cooked. It felt good, to know, I had two more days off to spend  with my family. Steve’s Mom helped me clean up, and do dishes. She said I did a nice job, and that this was the first time in twenty-two years she had off the hook from having Christmas dinner at her house.

My Step-daughter, practiced her flute downstairs, and I watched. She is making great progress. She played a favorite of mine.

I dreamed a dream

When she was done, she went upstairs to call her Mom. She told her Merry Christmas, and asked her if they could stay one more night. Her Mom said, Yes.

I must admit.

This was a great Christmas.

He used all the good notes!

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memories

For Some, The Bell Still Rings

shelie2711 Comments

A few days before Christmas. A few of the residents asked the CNA if she’d be working on Christmas? She cleared her throat, caught her breath, as she guided five (Visually Impaired) residents into the dining room for supper.

“Yes” she hollered!

A few of the residents, cheered. They told her about gifts their family sent them in the mail. They asked her if she would stop by their rooms, and sit with them so they could open their gifts with her? She said she would be glad too, she only had forty other residents to take care of!

She worked straight through the morning without sitting down to drink her traditional spiked Egg Nog!

Finally, lunch was over, and her choirs were done. She headed down to Karl’s room. She called him Karl because he reminded her of the main character off of the movie  Sling Blade. He  was about three inches shorter, hunched  over, and sounded like him when he talked.

She went into his apartment, and he asked her to grab his box on the bed? She put the box on his lap, and sat directly across from him. The box was taped up on all four sides. He worked hard trying to the pull the tape off himself, for sometime. She didn’t offer to help him right away, she could tell by the smile on his face he was enjoying the fact he had something to open.

He turned the box to each corner to see if one side was easier than the other. He stopped a few times, bringing the box up to his ear and giving the box a shake. She asked him if he would like help? He replied in his raspy, nasally, loud voice, yes! 

She opened one side of the box, and gave it back to him. He ripped the other side open himself, and quickly tossed the wadded paper out that had been put in for padding. The aid could see there was individual presents inside for him to un-wrap.

Karl, was so excited about getting his box open. He pulled his first present out of the box like a rocket-ship over his head, then waved the gift with victory!

look what I got, look what I got, look what got!

friendship · Home

Tiny, Mighty, And Picture Incher

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Tiny room, tiny radio, tiny television, and MIGHTY spirit!

I read an article on the Daily Post, encouraging us to post from our phones or tablets. (Which is well worth the read). I’m at work this evening. My showers are done, my medicines are passed, and one resident is walking the halls, and another resident is in the snack room. I have a bit of time on my hands.

Here is a tiny story.

If you follow me, you know I work in a Supportive Living Facility as a Nursing assistant. I work with the Blind, and talk about my residents on occasion. If you’re new to my blog, and have a minute, read here to close in on the buzz.

Friday, our nursing supervisor talked to Emmett about how she needed to cut back on the amount of soda she’s been drinking. She told her to only drink soda on the holidays.

Emmet, agreed and went back to her room.

A few hours later she came out of her room, passed the nurses office, and into the snack room where the soda machine sits.

She puts her first quarter into the machine, and says:

This is for Veterans Day, second quarter, this is for Thanksgiving, and her third quarter this ones for Christmas!