This is our new dog, she is a Shih Tzu. My husband Steve picked her up Thursday night while I was working. We our having a hard time coming up with a name for her.
I stepped down from my position as the Activity Director on Tuesday. I made this decision like a nurse pulling off a band-aid. I went back working as a Nursing Assistant in the evenings. I started last Wednesday. I have been off since Wednesday night when I clocked out. I’m glad I made the decision to take a few extra days off.
I wrote a post a few months back telling you I was not sure I could maintain the job. I was scheduling daily activities for the residents: outings, parties, competitions, entertainment, and games. I was getting the job done on one hand, but on the other hand I was having a hard time giving my residents quality time. I also had a hard time focusing on my family because I kept thinking about all the things I could be doing to be one step ahead of the game. The job was never done when you left.
Wednesday when I worked a staff member made a comment to me about being on vacation for eight months, and I could do the showers from now on. There was another comment made about the activity job being a “cake walk.” I know those comments don’t matter but they threw me for a loop, and made me second guess my decision.
I want to encourage you to read a few of blogs of mine, if time allows.. I went back and read them last night. They reminded me of the good times, I have had as a nursing assistant at the home. I want to come back to this post if need to, and give myself the whole story.
I made my decision fast. I should have kept the job in activities, held out, until I came across something new. I know I can’t should on myself, whats done is done. Yesterday I came across this quote. The quote cured the loneliness I’ve been feeling about making a mistake.
” I never make the same mistake twice. I do it three or four times just to make sure it was a mistake” Andrew’s View Of The Week
I took a few of my residents to the ballet last night. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had been to a ballet. I enjoyed watching them all dance, and the Ballerinas in their purple, yellow, and pink tutu’s were stunning. I can’t tell you the plot of the show, though. I can tell you about the man in front of me.
He was alone.
He sat slouched a bit, with his legs crossed. His right elbow was placed up on his armrest with his hand up over his mouth. He was wearing a blue stocking hat, a pair of lighter colored jeans, and an oversized gray thermal shirt.
During intermission he was leaned up against the wall with glasses on reading the “Wall Street Journal.” He had a book with him and I’ll be damned if the title was covered up by the program pamphlet!
The program continued and I sat there staring at him for a smile, a tear, a sigh, but nada. He sat the same way the whole time. One thought I had, maybe this was Liam Neeson, he’s been spotted in town alone a few times, but Liam Neeson is tall this guy was average five-eight or nine, maybe.
I decided he was there reminiscing about the time he danced in the ballet, and he was critiquing all the performers dance moves. He thought the show in this one-horse town was mediocre!
My husband, Gabe, and I attended a seminar for families at the school tonight. They prepared dinner and a sitter for everyone who attended. The name of the seminar was Overcoming Obstacles.
They broke up everyone into groups of five. We EACH introduced ourselves by telling everyone who we were, how many children we have, and the biggest obstacle we our facing. I was the fourth one to speak. I told them my name, and that I was married, and that we have a son together and I have two Stepchildren. I told them being a parent was hard, but being a blended family was harder. In my opinion. I ended up getting tons of feedback from the girls in the group. A few girls married to husbands with Ex-wife’s and a few Ex-husband who were remarried.
“If you want something you never had you have to do something you’ve never done”
I felt all of us stepped outside the box tonight. We walked to the school together, we had face to face human interaction, and put down our electronics. This year, if the good Lord is willing. I want to quit trying to fix problems out of my control. I’d like to see some of the unnecessary energy I use trying to fix these problems spent on the people I love!
I’m at a crossroads in my life. I think, I have been here for a while. I know I told all of you who follow me, I had a new job as the Activity Director. I worked years in this same facility as a Nursing Assistant. I enjoyed being there as a Nursing Assistant in the beginning and the middle of the job. The job just got repetitive, I caught myself not giving my all as a Nursing Aid and did not enjoy the feeling of being half-assed!
The Activity Director
Has a lot of responsibilities. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m pulling my own weight…
Last Saturday, My husband and I drove two of our residents, and a bus full of other olympians who belonged to another company. We drove to P-town for State Bowling Competition. They asked if they could hitch a ride on our bus. We left around 7:00am and we should have left earlier. I had forgotten to check the gas tank the night before and we were on empty. My husband took a wrong exit to find a gas station. We ended up going around in a circle, and started back from square one. The time is now 7:25am and we are just leaving S-town, the town where we are from. We had to be on the lanes ready to go by 9:00am. We strolled in at 8:40am and the lady from the company who hitched a ride said she was going to run in and register her athletes. I gathered every one-off the bus as quick as I could. A man from the other company came and grabbed the ramps they needed for their olympians. I got both of my residents into the bowling alley and on their lanes. My husband parked the bus, and grabbed the two ramps we would need. I went to registration, registration started from 8:00am – 9:00am. The time, now is 8:55am. I barely made the deadline. I was headed back to their lanes, when a volunteer came up to me, and said: “both of my athletes need name tags.” I stuck my hand into the registration envelope pulled them out and walked as fast as my chubby self would carry me sideways through the crowd. I slapped them on my athletes. Then the lady who hitched a ride with us informs me my residents needed their ramps set up. I had yet to set up ramps at all in this job position. I asked her as opening ceremony was going on if she thought I could use the ramps of the opposing athletes? She said “Shelley, you will have to ask them, where are our other ramps?” I told her they were up front, and I don’t think I have time to set them up. She said “GO GET THEM” my husband took off running to do as she said and we ALL helped put them together, and put them on their lanes. I don’t know what time I had everything together, however I do know it was a close call. I also know these two people saved my ass.
I still have to take all these ramps back to the bowling alley. I felt I owed this woman a favor for saving my ass! I told her we had bowling on my calendar for Tuesday, Tuesday being yesterday. I called the bowling alley to find out their hours have changed. They would not be open until 4:00Pm. I get off at 4:30PM and the residents eat around 5:00. The ramps didn’t make their way to the bowling alley yesterday.
Today my son is coughing.
My husband stayed home yesterday to be with him, now its my turn. I was working yesterday, maybe I should have taken the ramps back after 4PM. I had a choir coming in to perform for my residents around 7:00pm. I’m going to go into work, tonight to take back the ramps when my husband gets home. The reason being is because tomorrow we take twelve residents to go shopping. We leave at 10am the ramps take up two seats on the bus. I’m thinking they need to be out of the bus before we go grocery shopping. My luck we won’t be able to cram everyone into the 15 seats we have on the bus. I have my assistant, and two volunteers going tomorrow.
Whomever this letter concerns,
I have a calendar full of activities this month. One being a Christmas party with residents and their families. I feel the pressure is on. They also have a New Years eve party which is in this same month. I’m not for sure I like this feeling, I don’t know though if I’m just not used to working this hard? I don’t know, if its to physical for me because I’m a chub. I do know I have seen other chubby people doing the job. I have always had trouble focussing, and this job is all focus and organization. I wonder though if I’m lacking help or perhaps the job has to many things going on for two people to handle?
This is where YOU come in. I’m asking you guys, I guess since I’m asking you can let me have it!!!
I’m irritated most of the time.
I do believe the hustle of parenting, work, maintaining my marriage and a house, are normal stressors that could cause irritation.
There are problems I bring on myself. Health, financially, and the way I let others affect me.
We all have cards we are dealt in life, we just have to deal with them and patiently wait to “stack up again.” Some people will tell us “it’s still all up to you, your attitude, how you choose to act when you’re in the trenches.
I feel before long with all this positive attitude shit were all going to be running around looking like the audience of the Hunger Games!
I would Love nothing more to trash talk right now but I can’t. I’m mad because I have to take the “high road.”
The feds are lurking around my blog like fruit flies around a juice machine, waiting to ruin the down pour of fresh fruit juice.
Gabe, made me smile. He made Red a helmet of armor, with a belt, and weapon. I hope he makes me one, tomorrow! Continue reading “Juice Machines”
a friend of mine asked me “Shelley are YOU going to the class reunion?”I had went the last few years mind you, and none of my friends, whom I went to school with, and still hang out with now, attended the reunion. There wasn’t a lot of people who showed up at the reunions in the past.
I said: no I think I will pass this year.
“Shelley you should go”
Why, no one went last year?
“Shelley this is the year people start dying, and Shit”
The other morning, when dropping him off at school. He makes his way to the middle, where he is sitting next to me. I’m thinking he’s going to give me a goodbye KISS…
“Mom, when you were a kid did they have televisions in the olden days”
Um Gabe, yes, it was not that long ago. Get out of my car!
Her daughter, told us she would take our picture together. We give her the camera, scoot in close, and smile. She just stands there giving us a-deer-in-the-headlights, look.
Her Mom says: “what are you waiting for?”
“You guys need to do duck lips or do something in the photo?”
We purse our lips, she shakes her head, we give each other bunny ears, she shakes her head, we stick our tongues out, She shakes her head, we grab one another laughing uncontrollably, and she hands the camera back to her Mom, and says: “never mind!”
Coffee with a neighbor
SHE got on the subject of talking about Sex. I joined in on the conversation, and was agreeing with her about certain techniques, and she says: “Oh, so you and your husband still do it?”
Yea, we do
“that so Awesome”
Umm we have only been together nine years were freaking newly weds for crying-out-loud
Last Night At Work
I made a wise-crack to the cook. I’m sorry I cannot remember what I said (It’s a part of my old age.) He told me what you said you reminded me of “Steve Marten on Saturday Night Live he always used to say that same phrase.”
“Do you remember?”
No, what year are you talking about?
“In the seventies”
No, I wasn’t born until 1977!
“Oh really, how old are you”
“Really, when did you turn forty?
Monday, I turned forty, three days ago!
I want to tell YOU, we said goodbye to Karl, last week. He was 86, give or take a few.
I will spare you the descriptive details.
Karl, had Liver cancer. He told me, and my co-workers when he found out he was dying. He did not want anyone feeling sorry for him. This blog is my way, of honoring him the best way I know how.
Karl, lived at our home for over thirty years. He was partially sighted, legally blind in our state, and the state he was originally from. In his younger years when the home was located on South 5th street. He would lead about four or five residents down to a restaurant called the “Chile Parlor.”
One resident told me: We would sit there and eat lunch together. When we were done he would walk us down to Travers, for ice-cream”.
She also told me when he was in the singing group. They had a song they sang, about the states. When they sang about Iowa, he would loudly, sing: Iowa Iowa where the tall corn grows!) and everyone would laugh, during singing practice.
He would always tell you what was going on in our home, gossip style.
Did you hear: Elle (our activity director) switched positions?
What do you think, of men dressing up in women’s clothing?
Did you know, so and so cheats on his wife?
Are you still married, do you have children?
He enjoyed all kinds of music, and ordered talking books, all the time. He had a stack of 6 to 7 blue cartridges waiting to be played on his counter. He was always pulled right up to his player, with his chin touching his talking book player which sat on his counter, blaring to smut. He even would adjust the speed of the player to slow motion. We could hear his player down the hallway.
I have worked for the home, sixteen years now. I work with a lot of the same residents, and staff. When a resident dies. I feel as though the home is picked up off the ground, and just THROWN down. The view out our windows of the green trees, flowers, and sun are cropped. The sun from the east side don’t shine in as bright as it once did. The hallway is colder, and un-level, making my rounds harder on my feet.
A few nights before Karl passed away. He shared with me: I have enjoyed my life here, Shelley. I’ve had a lot of laughs, and met some really good people.
Have you guy’s ever had Mrs.Freshly’s Pecan Twirls? I love to put butter on them, heat them up, and have them with my coffee.
On weekends, when my grandma was living. I would stay the night with her, and in the morning we would wake up, and she would fix us a plate of these rolls, with a cup of coffee. We would sit at her kitchen table and chat like friends.
Those deep belly talks we would have damn near made me feel like I was on vacation. I know YOU know what I’m talking about because anyone who has a friend knows what a good talk can do for you.
My grandma, as I got older, opened up a bit about her life, not her whole life. She would say: “some things are none of your business.” She did share more insight about her family though. I asked her during one of our talks. Why, her side of the family was not as welcoming as she was? Her eyes peered right into my eyes, her lips pressed against each other, forming a slight smile, barely opening her mouth.
“Shelley, are you trying to tell me my family is stuck-up?
We both let out a chuckle, and she sits quietly for a moment pondering if she’s going to move on with the answer, and she did. She told me not to focus so much on what I seen on the surface of people’s lives. No one has a perfect life, and NONE of us our perfect or better than anyone else.” Then she let me in on a few facts to support her argument. I won’t share those facts, just in case my blog goes viral, and gets into the wrong hands….
The other day, a lady from a few towns away from me, posted a video on fb. The video, went viral. She tells us in the video about her, and her husband going to Dairy Queen to take advantage of Free ice-cream cone day. They decide to sit outside because of the warm weather we were having. They were talking and enjoying their cones, when a car full of guys STOP in the middle of traffic to yell “enjoy your ice-cream you fat blip.” She spends fifteen minutes crying, and decides to go live on fb. Her message, touches on how WE don’t know anything about her, or the fact she’s been on a diet for almost two years. She also brings up where she’s at mentally in her life. She ask them.”What if your words were the straw that broke the camels back?” She clarify’s: she’s not in suicidal place, but what if she was at that point? Then she goes on to tell them she prays for them, and don’t hold any grudges!
The message I GOT from her. Is she was sticking up more for others. This tells ME more about who and where she is in her life. The guys in the car were WRONG, by all means. I’m not going to go and on, about these guys. Unfortunately, this will do no good, for ME. I will only become, furious. I’ll say things I have no right saying.
I have no POWER to take back, what THEY said, neither does anyone else. They may, or may not resent how they made her feel.
I pinched this girl once when I was in school. The kind of pinch you only take a tiny piece of skin, and dig your two nails, into what you got a hold of. I knew it hurt. Her eye’s instantly let out these huge tears, along with a cough, because she couldn’t catch her breath. The teachers rushed over, asked her what happened, grabbed me by the arm, and marched me down to the principles office. I can’t tell you to this day, why I pinched her. The teachers, and principle spent the day trying to figure out, why I would do such a thing. They made me apologize, which was understandable. I wasn’t sorry though.
I woke up one day in my twenties, and have thought about that day ever since. I can’t tell you the time, and places. I think about her, or that day. I will tell YOU this.
I’m so sorry I hurt you physically, and emotionally that day. I realize YOU might have moved on from that day. I though, will remember YOU till my dying day. We were friends, and I betrayed you. I hope you can forgive me. I understand if we can’t hang out, that is not what this is about. This is about, grace.
I know EVERYONE, could use, some GRACE.