Juice Machines

I’m irritated most of the time.

I do believe the hustle of parenting, work, maintaining my marriage and a house, are normal stressors that could cause irritation.

Then.

There are problems I bring on myself. Health, financially, and the way I let others affect me.

Then.

We all have cards we are dealt in life, we just have to deal with them and patiently wait to “stack up again.” Some people will tell us “it’s still all up to you, your  attitude, how you choose to act when you’re in the trenches.

I feel before long with all this positive attitude shit were all going to be running around looking like the audience of the Hunger Games!

Anyway.

I would Love nothing more to trash talk right now but I can’t. I’m mad because I have to take the “high road.”

The feds are lurking around my blog like fruit flies around a juice machine, waiting to ruin the down pour of fresh fruit juice.

Today.

Gabe, made me smile. He made Red a helmet of armor, with a belt, and weapon. I hope he makes me one, tomorrow! (more…)

Dad, Told Me Never Backwards, Only Forwards

I moved into a new position at work, You’re looking at the new Activity Director of the home where I work. I plan events for the residents. Bowling, fishing, picnicking, parties, and games. I enjoy my new job. To be honest, the work has not been all fun and games. My biggest challenge has been planning  the calendar for each month. I plan all the activities and make sure none of the events run into one another. I have trouble with focusing. This requires me to triple check my work. I also have others look over my work, and they have been happy to help me out.

The job is challenging, and I’ve wanted to throw in the towel, because of my lack of organization skills, and focussing.

Today: Was Special Olympics Fun Day with friends. The organization, paired up the residents, with a one on one friend (volunteer). They took them to games, karaoke, lunch, and a concert featuring: Elvis. I got to sit, and write.

The other night I was able to go out with Freebird. We went to dinner and caught up a bit, then we went to see the movie IT! The movie was alright, not bad, but not great. The eerie part of the movie to me, was the back story of the children who were not only victims of the clown, but abuse in their day-to-day life. They were not just abused by their parents, but bullies too.

King was no stranger to the hell that went on in the 1980s!

I  have, started reading again but not your blogs. I’ve been reading about Jeffrey Dahmer, Ottis Toole  and Henry Lee Lucas. Ottis Toole killed Adam Walsh. Henry Lee Lucas was his partner and “alleged” lover. These men set the sail “as a mid-1980s panic over stranger abductions, one out of petrified kids and Paranoid parents. Kids used to be able to go out and organize a kickball game, and now all playdates and the social lives of children are arranged and controlled by parents.” This statement hit home with me. I put my child on a short leash. He’s not stayed all night with anyone, but I have let him walk next door and play with a friend, he also walks to school with him, and his dad every once in a while.

The movie IT in my opinion is about fear. The chains fear can have on you.

Fear: will stunt the growth of a child, a new career for an adult, help for a drug user, marriage, and divorce. The list can go on and on, you get my point, don’t you?

The other day on my drive to work a squirrel darted out in front me he or she was giving it all he or she had.

Focused on what was in front of him or her and front legs and back legs hitting nothing but pavement. I couldn’t help to be envious of the drive this animal had to get across the street the way it did!

 

Letting Go, But Not Forgetting

“I remember every detail of that day. I lose sleep over that day. I dream about holding him, hugging him, rubbing his tummy, and loving him. If only I had a dream catcher that actually worked”

I’m thinking of you, my friend.

Free Bird

The funeral was the worst. As I walked up to the funeral home, his dad was standing outside, and I gave him a big hug. I’d never met him before this tragedy. As tears streamed down his face and his shirt was drenched in sweat, I hugged him tightly as my own tears fell on his shoulder. I told him how sorry I was and how I knew nothing I could say would make any of this okay. I thought I would going to pass out before I even walked into that building. My heart was pounding so hard and I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

As I walked up to the casket, my heart fell into my stomach. As his small body lay there in his little white suit with his baby blue bow tie, he looked so peaceful. I cried. I actually bawled. I…

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Angel Baby

Free Bird

It was the worst day of my life. This day changed my life forever. It is ingrained in my memory like cement. That night has replayed in my mind over and over again without ceasing. It’s like a never ending tragic movie that just doesn’t seem real- yet it is very real.  After receiving the phone call that he was missing, I was driving as fast as I could with my heart beating out of my chest. I already knew what happened. In the depths of my heart, I expected the worst. As we turned down the street, it was like the scene out of a movie. Fire trucks, police cars, and crowds of rescuers and neighbors were gathered around the house, searching, confused and panicked. My heart sank and chills ran up my spine. So many cars were there, we had to park down the street. As we frantically…

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The Year Before Forty, And The Comments People Are Making, And Have Made To Me.

a friend of mine asked me “Shelley are YOU going to the class reunion?”I had went the last few years mind you, and none of my friends, whom I  went to school with, and still hang out with now, attended the reunion. There wasn’t a lot of people who showed up at the reunions in the past.

I said: no I think I will pass this year.

Shelley you should go”

Why, no one went last year?

“Shelley this is the year people start dying, and Shit”

Gabe

The other morning, when dropping him off at school. He makes his way to the middle, where he is sitting next to me. I’m thinking he’s going to give me a goodbye KISS…

“Mom, when you were a kid did they have televisions in the olden days”

Um Gabe, yes, it was not that long ago. Get out of my car!

A Friend

Her daughter, told us she would take our picture together. We give her the camera, scoot in close, and smile. She just stands there giving us a-deer-in-the-headlights, look.

Her Mom says: “what are you waiting for?”

“You guys need to do duck lips or do something in the photo?”

We purse our lips, she shakes her head, we give each other bunny ears, she shakes her head, we stick our tongues out, She shakes her head, we grab one another laughing uncontrollably, and she hands the camera back to her Mom, and says:never mind!”

Coffee with a neighbor

SHE got on the subject of talking about Sex. I joined in on the conversation, and was agreeing with her about certain techniques, and she says: “Oh, so you and your husband still do it?”

Yea, we do

“that so Awesome”

Umm we have only been together nine years were freaking newly weds for crying-out-loud

Last Night At Work

I made a wise-crack to the cook. I’m sorry I cannot remember what I said (It’s a part of my old age.) He told me what you said you reminded me of “Steve Marten on Saturday Night Live he always used to say that same phrase.”

“Do you remember?”

No, what year are you talking about?

“In the seventies”

No, I wasn’t born until 1977!

“Oh really, how old are you”

I’m forty, 

“Really, when did you turn forty?

Monday, I turned forty, three days ago!

 

The Wonder of Yourself

Great post, great links, lets blog!!!!
In the words of OM “comments disabled here”

yadadarcyyada

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

Sometimes, trying to write, or trying to blog, I think, it’s all been done? Is there anything new under this sun or any other? This world is old, ancient, instead of getting discouraged that it’s all been done, why not be inspired? What piece can we add to the puzzle of flesh and blood? Why not add to the delicious soup of humanity?

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

1. Imagine the caveman/cavewoman who invented the wheel, thinking, “Aggh, me done, no more wheel”. Our ancestors roasting a woolly mammoth s’more over the first fire, “Fire good. No more. Been done”.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

2. Remember the first song you heard? Did you think, no need to hear any more music.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

3. First joke? You laughed and thought, did that, no need to laugh anymore.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

4. Can there ever be enough smiles? Enough laughter? Enough joy?

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

5. First kiss? Wow. Checked that off your list.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/06/the-wonder-of-you-blog-party/

6. Watched the…

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Pro Bono Editing

This is a kind gesture and I wanted to thank you!

Minnie Musings

I don’t know about you, but several times I’ve visited blogs and read posts where the writer has great content but has a few spelling and/or grammar issues mixed in. I don’t blame them. We all make mistakes and I used to be a horrible speller, but out of a desire to be helpful I’m tempted to post a comment to correct their mistake(s).

Maybe you’ve had the same urge. You’re not being superior or critical, you just want to give a fellow writer a hand. But it’s so…AWKWARD. What if they take it wrong? What if others take it wrong? What if they think you’re just stuck up and nosy?

But I do sincerely want to help anyone who would appreciate it. So, on a first-come-first-serve basis, (time permitting) I’m giving a standing offer to edit up to five posts daily (one post per person).

Now I’m…

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Another Resident, Says Goodbye

I want to tell YOU, we said goodbye to Karl, last week. He was 86, give or take a few.

I will spare you the descriptive details.

Karl, had Liver cancer. He told me, and my co-workers when he found out he was dying. He did not want anyone feeling sorry for him. This blog is my way, of honoring him the best way I know how.

Karl, lived at our home for over thirty years. He was partially sighted, legally blind in our state, and the state he was originally from. In his younger years when the home was located on South 5th street. He would lead about four or five residents down to a restaurant called the “Chile Parlor.”

One resident told me: We would sit there and eat lunch together. When we were done he would walk us down to Travers, for ice-cream”.

She also told me when he was in the singing group. They had a song they sang, about the states. When they sang about Iowa, he would loudly, sing: Iowa Iowa where the tall corn grows!) and everyone would laugh, during singing practice.

He would always tell you what was going on in our home, gossip style.

Did you hear: Elle (our activity director) switched positions?

What do you think, of men dressing up in women’s clothing? 

Did you know, so and so cheats on his wife? 

Are you still married, do you have children?

He enjoyed all kinds of music, and ordered talking books, all the time. He had a stack of 6 to 7 blue cartridges waiting to be played on his counter. He was always pulled right up to his player, with his chin touching his talking book player which sat on his counter, blaring to smut. He even would adjust the speed of the player to slow motion. We could hear his player down the hallway.

I have worked for the home, sixteen years now. I work with a lot of the same residents, and staff. When a resident dies. I feel as though the home is picked up off the ground, and just THROWN down. The view out our windows of the green trees, flowers, and sun are cropped. The sun from the east side don’t shine in as bright as it once did. The hallway is colder, and un-level, making my rounds harder on my feet.

A few nights before Karl passed away. He shared with me: I have enjoyed my life here, Shelley. I’ve had a lot of laughs, and met some really good people.

Grace

Have you guy’s ever had Mrs.Freshly’s Pecan Twirls? I love to put butter on them, heat them up, and have them with my coffee.

On weekends, when my grandma was living. I would stay the night with her, and in the morning we would wake up, and she would fix us a plate of these rolls, with a cup of coffee. We would sit at her kitchen table and chat like friends.

Those deep belly talks we would have damn near made me feel like I was on vacation. I know YOU know what I’m talking about because anyone who has a friend knows what a good talk can do for you.

My grandma, as I got older, opened up a  bit about her life, not her whole life. She would say: “some things are none of your business.” She did share more insight about her family though. I asked her during one of our talks. Why, her side of the family was not as welcoming as she was?  Her eyes peered right into my eyes, her lips pressed against each other, forming a slight smile, barely opening her mouth.

“Shelley, are you trying to tell me my family is stuck-up?

We both let out a chuckle, and she sits quietly for a moment pondering if she’s going to move on with the answer, and she did. She told me not to focus so much on what I seen on the surface of people’s lives. No one has a perfect life, and NONE of us our perfect or better than anyone else.” Then she let me in on a few facts to support her argument. I won’t share those facts, just in case my blog goes viral, and gets into the wrong hands….

The other day, a lady from a few towns away from me, posted a video on fb. The video, went viral. She tells us in the video about her, and her husband going to Dairy Queen to take advantage of Free ice-cream cone day. They decide to sit outside because of the warm weather we were having. They were talking and enjoying their cones, when a car full of guys STOP in the middle of traffic to yell “enjoy your ice-cream you fat blip.” She spends fifteen minutes crying, and decides to go live on fb. Her message, touches on how WE don’t know anything about her, or the fact she’s been on a diet for almost two years. She also brings up where she’s at mentally in her life. She ask them.”What if your words were the straw that broke the camels back?” She clarify’s: she’s not in suicidal place, but what if she was at that point? Then she goes on to tell them she prays for them, and don’t hold any grudges!

The message I GOT from her. Is she was sticking up more for  others. This tells ME more about who and where she is in her life. The guys in the car were WRONG, by all means. I’m not going to go and on, about these guys. Unfortunately, this will do no good, for ME. I will only become, furious. I’ll say things I have no right saying.

I have no POWER to take back, what THEY said, neither does anyone else. They may, or may not resent how they made her feel.

I pinched this girl once when I was in school. The kind of pinch you only take a tiny piece of skin, and dig your two nails, into what you got a hold of. I knew it hurt. Her eye’s instantly let out these huge tears, along with a cough, because she couldn’t catch her breath. The teachers rushed over, asked her what happened, grabbed me by the arm, and marched me down to the principles office. I can’t tell you to this day, why I pinched her. The teachers, and principle spent the day trying to figure out, why I would do such a thing. They made me apologize, which was understandable. I wasn’t sorry though.

I woke up one day in my twenties, and have thought about that day ever since. I can’t tell you the time, and places. I think about her, or that day. I will tell YOU this.

Amy,

I’m so sorry I hurt you physically, and emotionally that day. I realize YOU might have moved on from that day. I though, will remember YOU till my dying day. We were friends, and I betrayed you. I hope you can forgive me. I understand if we can’t hang out, that is not what this is about. This is about, grace.

I know EVERYONE, could use, some GRACE.

Journal, Entry

Yesterday, was my first day off I had since last Monday. I told you last time we had gone in to overtime at work, because we WERE short-staffed. We have two residents who are on hospice care. The boss wants two people on duty at all times, because both of the residents are total care.

When Steve (my husband) came home from work, he fired up the grill. I wrapped up potatoes in foil, to have him put on the grill. I finished doing what was left of the dishes, and HE sucked up the leaves, with the blower!

The sun was shining, kids were laughing, playing, and I could smell freshly cut grass.

I decided to walk over to the school, and pick Gabe up from after school care. He was on the swing by himself, and I quietly stood there watching him swing. One of his friends came up to him holding a soccer ball. He asked Gabe if he would play soccer with him? Gabe, said no. I then spoke up from behind him, and said: why not? He said “Mom where did you come from?”

We gathered up his backpack, jacket, and signed him out. He told me he was on green (which is good.) Then told me there was a note in his bag. I un-zipped the bag as we walked home, and he helped me pull the note out of his blue folder. The note read “Is Yelling A Daily Event At Your House” I stopped, and looked at Gabe after I finished reading the invite to the school from a speaker who is going to share “effective techniques of getting through to our kids without yelling.”

I asked him if he thought we needed the class? “he said: “well Dad does.”

I shoved the paper back into the bag. I could see my husband working in the yard, as Gabe, and I got closer to the driveway.

Gabe, crossed the street, and I paused as I watched him walk up into the yard.I couldn’t help but ask God, how did I ever get here? what in the world, did I do deserve this moment?

The sun shining, Gabe laughing, and Steve in the front yard, working, and waiting for us to come home. If I happen not to make it through the day Lord, thank you, thank you, for another beautiful day!