Category: Children

Children

No Bashing

shelie275 Comments

Mommy Question: Lately Gabe has learned about fires in school and was given a book called the sprinkleman. We have read it a few times before bed, afterwards he has been asking me questions, which is alright because lets face it! They do happen so we have to  talk about them and a plan.

So here is my question to You: How have you discussed this with your children? Do you have a plan? Do you talk about fires? Do you go into detail with your children? My son is five and he is asking about his toys, the pets, mommy, daddy, and why we don’t have sprinklers in our house. I don’t want to change the subject but also don’t want him to worry about the things I should be worried about…

I also like to stay truthful and not gloss things over too much because I belive we need to be prepared for the What ifs?  and I can’t tell him it’s never going to happen.

 

Children · Daily Post · Family · love

Memory Of The Loving (Fake Obituary)

shelie276 Comments

Prompt: Write Your Obituary:

Shelley 37 of WordPress passed away during a vacation with her husband Steve thirty-nine and Gabe five. They were visiting Jersey Shore she wanted to introduce her son to the Ocean and had never been to the East Coast. During their visit to the shore her son swam out a bit to far in search for “Bikini Bottom” She was able to save him  as she handed him off to her husband Steve her feet got caught in an old fish net, before it took her under she told Steve she was so thankful it was her out there instead of the alternative. The cost of coming home without her son was a deadly one.

She was preceded  in death by her grandmother Norma and her two boys who were twins Gabe and Will who died shortly after birth.

Lucky To Be Alive, Father Dan (wife Lin), Mother Patty  (husband Larry), sibilings by oldest Nate wife (Tabitha)Jeramey, Tim and Jacob

Her funeral will be held at Liberty Island, New York, NY Statue of Liberty National Monument at midnight where we will throw her ashes out into the water from the torch. Before “The Toss” fireworks will light up the night sky and there will be a BANG!

Children · Family · Home · memories

My Spin on the memory

shelie274 Comments

Someone once asked me where I might be without my dad and to tell you the truth when thinking about the question it feels like I am underwater without the option to swim up to the surface. Yes there are other family members in my life who have shown me love and eventually we will get to them. For right now it is my dads time.

He always talked with me when I was little and looking back now I can tell you he was always in engaged in our conversation. One ongoing conversation he would have constantly was about strangers and safety tips especially with men it would go something like this.

1.) Never get into a car with someone you don’t know

2.) Never take candy from anyone unless I okay it first. (every Halloween after my brother and I were done trick or treating it was a tradition we would all sit on the floor, he would dump it out and go through every piece even throwing some away he wasn’t sure of Do you remember that Big Bro? Good times).

3.) Never let anyone threaten you by saying they will hurt dad, if you tell him. Always tell me no matter what they say then tell them “To go Fly a Kite”

Believe it or not I told one of my friends older brothers “To Go Fly a Kite” one time and it worked! (We won’t go into that story because I don’t think my long lost friend had the latter and I think of her quite often and wonder if she is alright,I was saved from a lifetime of darkness from some understanding of others.) After our talks on this particular subject, he would come right down to my level, look me in the eyes and tell me “dad could never live without you if something happened to you “sis I love you so much” Into my adult years with time getting away from us never once have I questioned his love. My three brothers know exactly what I mean.

The older I get the more I talk or write about these memories. Which all started in a writing class and church. I am able to sift through these memories and see what the power of love has done when the dark clouds have moved in and find I was never alone.

One day in the first grade my dad had to take my older brother for an appointment. My older brother has got about four years on me so usually after school got out he would meet me in front and we would walk right over to daycare which was on the left and about thirty or forty steps away.

The night before my brothers appointment my dad was like a broken record “sis after you get out of school walk straight over to the daycare don’t stop or talk to anyone” giving me another one of his great hugs and repeating himself again the next morning when dropping me off “sis I love you see you tonight”.

When heading out the doors of the school that afternoon with a bit of freedom I couldn’t help but stand in the middle of the sidewalk soaking up the hot sun after being inside most of the day. I have always lagged behind a bit because of my need to look around at everything going on, some people call it nosy. I guess the shoe fits a little but most of my intentions have never been bad.

I don’t know exactly the time I took standing there but a man starting calling out my name it took me a little bit to look over because I wasn’t expecting anyone and thought he may have been talking to someone else then he calls out again! I look over and see an older man yelling out his passenger side window in the driver seat and motioning with his hand to come over.. Looking over at the daycare and back at the man again for some reason I decided to walk on over to him.

The man had dirty blonde sweaty hair that looked like he had not yet brushed it, he had jean shorts on and they were frayed, He was leaned over a bit and when I had got to the passenger side door of his rusty green car he opened it up and said “Your dad asked me to pick you up get in”! I grabbed the side of his door and just stood there looking at the daycare and back at him again “S hurry up we are already late and I don’t want him to get mad at me”

I started to get confused, my throat was drying up and I couldn’t swallow, my heart was pounding, my hand was sliding down the side of the door with it being wet from sweat “get in honey” looking at him once more and over at the daycare with a slow cracky voice I said “my dad told me to go straight to the daycare” “he changed his mind get in” I just kept hearing my dads voice play a few times over “sis go straight over to the daycare it just kept on to the point I could no longer think of nothing else. I slammed his door shut and ran like hell and didn’t stop until I was “safe” inside  when walking in not one person said a thing just a normal day to everyone and even if I said anything being the place it was they wouldn’t have  believed me but I had never been so glad to be there.

I kept this story hidden for a long time in fear of people not believing me. My dad and mom are aware of the situation now but I want to share with them my take on the matter.

This memory here is how far back I can acknowledge listing to the Holy Spirit.

My dad was plucked out to raise me cause god knew through your love dad it would reveal who he was, it was you who introduced me to god through no words but actions. You taught me to see evil by teaching me what good really looked like. The air was THICK with love That day and the light you gave me was ON and once again you lead me home.

 

 

 

 

Children · Twins

A memory of six years ago

shelie2714 Comments

The fog has separated these last six years where I am able to see ahead of me but every so often a bit of it drifts over in front of me and me being me I pull over to the side to wait for it to clear up again and forward I continue to go but slowly.

Two weeks after my twins passed away from being born premature, I had to go in for a check up at the doctor’s office. I checked in and sat down in the waiting room.

All the new babies and beautiful bellies were popping out in 3D. I was starting to develop a lump in my throat, being in a public place where no one knows what is going on with one another except happiness of the future. I didn’t want to have a break down and steel every ones thunder. So staring dead ahead is what helped me to stay focused enough not to lose it!

A lady I used to babysit for in my yester years walked up to the desk,it had been over seven or eight years since we seen or talked to each other, I thought about saying hello and decided it was not in my best interest. I put my head down and moved further back away from everyone.

The nurse called me back to see the doctor and my tears were able to start falling. When I got into the room  she was already in their waiting for me. She motioned me to sit down in the chair across from her. She put her hands on each side of my legs and asked me.

How are you feeling Shelley?

Empty

Do you want to hurt yourself?

No.

Shelley I am sorry if I could give you a baby I would. Is there anything at all I can do to help you with your sadness?

Yes. Can you give me a minute alone in here?

She shook her head yes gave me a hug and walked out the door.

I tilted my head back on the wall, scooted down into the chair with my legs stretched straight out in front of me. I closed my eyes and pretended my stomach was full of active healthy babies kicking and rolling around the way they always did and that this was a regular visit, I pretended my due date was right around the corner and I would soon go into to full term labor, I pretended of my family uniting instead of fighting, I pretended of holding you in joy instead of this cold, dark hellish nightmare we were in and the doctor would come back in and tell me you were both doing wonderful, I didn’t want to lift my heavy head off the wall but when I did the small, empty, dull room greeted me to the truth.

I could hear all the staff chattering outside the door. I wondered what they all were thinking of me. I opened the door to my reality and what they had already known, about me. They extended their arms and apologies towards me because I am a grieving mother to two sweet boys in heaven.

 

Gabe and willy 08/04/08
” I ache for the day I can kiss your foreheads and hold you in my arms again” Danielle Walker

 

Children · Family · Home

Two days ago

shelie2711 Comments

The other day my little guy was sitting on my lap, which is few and far between these day. So while he was up their I thought I would take full advantage of the moment.

Me: So what is your favorite color?

Him: Red

Me: What is your favorite t.v show

Him: Sponge Bob (yea I know)

Me: What is your favorite game

Him: Sponge Bob (Don’t Judge)

Me: What is your favorite food

Him: Waffles

Me; Who is your favorite person

Him: You MOM!!!

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away”

This was one of those moments for me. I thought it was sharable.

Children · Family · Home · love

More free writing

shelie277 Comments

WIN_20140411_085825Today was a good day little man and I slept in a bit, actually a lot oops! We didn’t make it to preschool but we had a nice talk about his picture, he and his dad made the night before last. He told me they were fishing with sunshine and blue skies the picture was pretty detailed for a four-year old. My husband helped him a bit,but you can tell the picture was made by him for the most part.

Then we tackled getting cleaned up, dressed and ready for the day. We fed the animals as in the bird, dog and cat the kitty is an outdoor cat who choose all of us for some reason?  after this we turned on a Dailey carton he loves to watch but he decided to bring his color crayons and book over to me to show me a maze except he had to ask me what they were called? We went over how to do them. He made sure there wasn’t a single maze left undone after he had caught on!

We didn’t go outside today together and I can’t tell you why? These days were into our cycle which is a three wheel contraption that sits real low to the ground, yesterday I had my fill of up, down, around, get over here, stay out of their day but still loved watching him have a hay day! We should have went outside it was so pretty. A bit of a warm breeze was coming in through the window, the sun was shining high there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I love days like these and hate all kinds of storms especially the kind in life that throw you for a loop and it takes you a bit to put your feet back on the ground.

When my son was born I was still going through a ton of grief. It took a toll on me but our relationship from the start was interrupted. When they pulled him out it took him about three minutes for him to cry, his dad looked terrified my arms were stretched out, tied down with a huge blanket blocking my view it took only a minute for all those emotions to start flooding in. When he did cry my numbness had already taken over its amazing what the mind and body do for you in the deepest darkest moments of your life. They briefly showed him to me then carried him off to make sure everything was okay with him. Which never bothered me in the least. When you lose not one baby but two you get real used to not being able to hold them it had already been my way of life.

When they finally got me all clean, stitched up and to my room they asked me if I would like them to go get my baby. I remember looking up at the nurse and saying what? She came over to my bed with complete understanding and said again with a smile do you want me to go get him so you can hold him. He is so beautiful congratulations. Yes please bring him to me. When he came in she said would you like to try to feed him which was a bit hard for us to get down so we just skipped that part this time around.

The next evening took another turn when I was burping him he starting turning blue the nurse came down looked at him told me they had to take him down to the neonatal unit when they came back about a half hour later to tell me his oxygen was going down into the thirties, it would rise back up but still was very dangerous so until he could learn to maintain he would have to stay with them. They ran test and determined that he would eventually grow out of this phase he will have to learn to maintain his oxygen on his own but needed to be observed this took four weeks when he came home it was everything but happy.

You see I never got the memo that after you lose a baby in my case babies, when you have another one it is a simple reminder of the high cost you could possibly pay and it takes a toll on a woman. So for two or three years I have walked on eggshells in the beginning it was his bottles he would gag a bit too much for my comfort, then it was his tantrums he would get so mad his lips would turn blue oh how I held my breath too, then he started eating solids and every bite he took was similar to me standing on a cliff, he started climbing up the monkey bars I said that’s it I can’t take it! I still took care of him like a mother should but with caution, my guard up and a bit of apprehensive of the future.

He felt this as well. I know he did because when I brought him home he would just cry it wasn’t  your normal cry like he was un happy either just basically more or less I really don’t like you cry. As tense as I was during those times, I cannot blame him.

Today we still bump heads mostly because were at that age, he helps himself to the fridge and I yell you need to ask instead of oh god don’t eat that! He ate a bag of skittles on his own the other day and plays at the park as free as a lark and although life has been very dark he pointed out in his drawing look mama look at the blue skies Yes babe your so right. Thank you for pointing that out to me.