Sitting here at the kitchen table this A.m it’s cold, quiet and peaceful in the “Tin Can” an owl is outside hooting and I am at the table writing my thoughts down over a warm cup of coffee.
I sit here thinking about dropping Gabe off at school this morning, it’s becoming a daily thought. Every morning when dropping him off at school before he goes in, he turns around and blows me a kiss. Lately it’s been something I sit and wait for, even though the cars behind me are most likely in a rush? It’s our time, shortly it will be but another artifact that we tuck away in the chambers of our hearts.
The thing about the heart is it never gets full of all the places and moments we have been in. The more you open it up and stuff it with the Good things, when the bad things happen you always have a place to go.
Recently,I had to take a trip to the hospital. Lets not go into why, because it’s not my focus for the few people reading. However it does not down play that I was afraid. I laid their scared, cold, and worried that they wouldn’t get the problem under control or maybe they’re was more going on… After making a few phone calls and being to upset about the situation, I had to get a handle on myself and by doing so I go back to the phantoms of my yester years.
I closed my eyes
This particular memory reminds me of a warm blanket and it covers me and my fears.
The day was dark, foggy and rainy not the hard rain though more like a mist! I was not feeling well at all. A few days after my open heart surgery as a child, being a kid you don’t express your sickness the way you do when you’re an adult. This is why we have parents or what the definition is as a parent to me. My “step mom” Lin came up by herself for some reason and asked me how I was feeling? I didn’t say much but looking back from now to then, I didn’t have too. She pulled up a chair next to me and just sat there not saying a word. To be honest I couldn’t tell you how long she sat there either. When I did wake up she had put this giant red heart balloon with legs and a smiley face in place of where she sat.
though the day outside remained dark, wet, and ugly it lit everything up including myself. So I took that day and shoved it inside one of my chambers and you will forever be sitting there with your umbrella catching all the rain and reminding me in every dark place there is a little bit of light.
Once upon a time, “Grams” took my older brother and I too our first movie. The movie title has always been the title of how I get through life and where you will usually find me in the raising of my own son and it’s “Places In The Heart”
Mommy Question: Lately Gabe has learned about fires in school and was given a book called the sprinkleman. We have read it a few times before bed, afterwards he has been asking me questions, which is alright because lets face it! They do happen so we have to talk about them and a plan.
So here is my question to You: How have you discussed this with your children? Do you have a plan? Do you talk about fires? Do you go into detail with your children? My son is five and he is asking about his toys, the pets, mommy, daddy, and why we don’t have sprinklers in our house. I don’t want to change the subject but also don’t want him to worry about the things I should be worried about…
I also like to stay truthful and not gloss things over too much because I belive we need to be prepared for the What ifs? and I can’t tell him it’s never going to happen.
The other day I had to take my little boy to the doctor to find out he just had a cold. With him having asthma though it is better to be safe then sorry. The highlight of the trip was when we first walked in to the office a little black headed girl ran up grabbed both of his hands they swung each other around just like they haven’t seen each other in years which I suppose is the case since this was their first meeting.
I got to talking a bit with the girl’s mother, and realized why the little gal was so friendly. I informed her that my son really knows no stranger and usually we don’t get the same response, as in most often the children we run into are stand offish. She agreed and told me she ran into the same problems as well.We also were not picking on those types of personalities basically reassuring each other about our children. It was a nice little encounter while it lasted
Later on that day when arriving to work, I was informed that I had to run an appointment. So away we went. We check in and the lady behind the desk gives us a stack of papers to fill out, we sit down and get straight to it. Plus I had to match up all her medications making sure they were still the same it was a bit time-consuming. After I got done we turned them in. When walking back I realized over yonder someone I have known for a long time. She was talking to someone at the moment so I didn’t interrupt.
We got called back before she had ended her discussion so nothing was said. The appointment didn’t take long at all and when returning to the waiting room the gal was still there and seems that she looked directly at me she recognized me. I often run in to her since we live on the same side of town and always wondered if it wasn’t me who said anything first what would happen? Which is not like me but I wanted to test it out so when walking right by her she actually dug her head more into her phone, never saying a darn thing. Which my sources prepared me for, but you know my faith always rises to an occasion.
This was a bit of a stab to the olé cardio I know there are worse things in life but what’s the big harry deal? Even if you don’t care for someone you can at least nod acknowledge their existence wouldn’t you agree? Maybe she felt like she didn’t want to get into a conversation with me which has never really happens to begin with…
Maybe this is just my ramblings of my insecurities maybe when this happens to me I think of my childhood and years ago and how cruel people were to me, even my friends and some adults maybe I start thinking of how I am not worthy of a simple hello or maybe its just time to write all these feelings out for once in my life get them out and be forever grateful that those days are over. To be thankful time has put a bit of rougher skin on me but too rough. To realize that I wouldn’t be the person today without those sour times and wouldn’t be sitting here writing about a simple hello, and what a bit of a difference it could make in someone life.
Maybe it wasn’t right of me not to say hello as well but can you see my point as in why I didn’t?
I know that it’s a bit of a dream. I can’t help but wonder how this world would be if we greeted everyone with a smile grabbed them by the hand and let them know how nice it is to see them….