LooK OUT BELOW

July 15, 2016 shelie2719 Comments

The storm outside tonight wants to let loose but it’s stagnating, like my mind right now. The thunder sounds like a jet flying back and forth, waiting to drop a bomb. I want to type a post, but there is much on my mind, as always. Once in a while I get set free, but not tonight. So with this said, I have decided to share some post that have stood out to me. I will dedicate it to my two-hundred followers, this will also make blog post one-hundred-one. Go us!

My first shout out will always go to Diane from HOMETOGO232. Diane, writes about her mother, husband, kids, and sister. I can feel the love her single mother had for her, in her writing. There is a sweetness that fills your cup of tears, and overflows you with joy. She was my first follower, and also the first one to get me established on this platform. She took me under her wing, explaining things step by step, (on computer mind you) encouraging my writing. She became friends with me on fb and when I would post a story on their and was not writing on here. She would ask “why don’t you post this on your blog” and she did this on more than one occasion. In her blogroll her explanation of my blog says: “I write from the heart” it makes me feel good, about what I do write. I had to do a double take of what she wrote, because I have read a few blogs that I consider “from the heart” and don’t think I measure up. However, Diane thank you for the compliment and keeping me going.

My second shout out is, dearlilyjune. I not only read this blog, but learn as well. The post I linked you to, is a favorite of mine. However, I have more than one. This post, built me a road to drive on for miles that was not there before. I had always looked at certain poems, and said they were over my head, deeper than my own water-well. Poems like this one, which I love and she introduced that poem to me on this post. My good friend Freebird also writes poems and after reading dearlilyjunes post it came together because some poetry freebird writes is stuff only she knows, secrets from certain times in her life. When I asked her to break-down certain parts, she said no. Dearlilyjunes taught me that I don’t need to understand word for word what the poet is trying to say. In her post she explains how to look at poetry from another light. I had been under the wrong impression and thank her for broaden my horizons. I want you to do what makes you happy, A. I can’t wrap this blip up without telling you what a great teacher you are, I do hope you re-consider.

My third shout out, is Freebird, If you all don’t know, we know one another, from my current job. She has found greener grass else where, and is using her degree. If you click on her name, it will take you, to one of my favorite blogs from her. I’m not a single mother. I have two good friends who had to raise their kids on their own. I think this post she wrote, is lovely, and hope a few more people stop by and read what she has to say. I don’ know how life feels for her, but she explains single motherhood well in this post. She grabbed my heart from start to finish. I would like to see a few of her own head over as well!

My fourth shout out, is The Hill Billy Blogger, one of the reasons I love this post, is because, I came across this beauty when writing my own blog about my first love, there is also a second half. I love reading and writing on this platform. I feel something divine is going on. If we read about others and their lives, it helps to make our own way through this life. In the first post about my first love. I told you, how I was restless with the way it ended. I began to read and took time to write my second post, and it clearly shows an example of divine intervention.

My fifth shout, is The Playground, I enjoy this blog because it’s fun. She is friendly and always responds to her comments. She has a lot of quizzes, interesting facts, animals, and its an inviting blog. This post she posted not to long ago about Dr. Seuss was interesting, informative, and a bit of a spoiler on such a great writer, but without her fishing I never would have known. I suggest if you have not checked out her playground you go do so.

My Sixth shout is Harsh Reality, this is a short post. This post is ONE of my favorites Om. I’m a bit embarrassed to say why I like it as much as I do. I’m going to tell everyone, because you have taught me in your writing it’s okay to be myself on this platform, regardless of what others say. This post is short and sweet and made me feel like you were writing to me.

If you would like to spread the love, post a link to a blog or a post you love, you would make my day.

Daily Post

Felix

May 19, 2016May 19, 2016 shelie277 Comments

Felix Silla, lived in room #106. He was short, hairy, bald, with light brown hair on the sides of his head, and on the back of his head too. His right leg wouldn’t bend when he walked, and his left leg dragged. He would always wear shorts that grazed his knees and a tee-shirt that hugged his firm body. The tee-shirts he wore never came down past his waist line. He would smile every-time you say something to him, even the simplest hello. When someone would make a joke or say something funny, he would put his right hand over his open mouth, the palm of his hand facing out and throw his head back.

It’s been a long time, Felix. I still feel joy, when you come to my mind.

On Saturday mornings, I used to put out mail. In the residents mail boxes. Once it was passed out. I made an announcement over the intercom. Felix was always the first one down and others soon followed. He would grab his talking-books he ordered or if he had an envelope he would shuffle to the desk where I sat, and ask me who it was from. And then quietly go back to his room. I don’t know why Felix stood out to me at mail time. It might have been the way he struggled a bit to get down to the mail box so fast to see if there was something waiting for him.

When we went to supper all the residents and him would joke around. They would call him Alpo: One time, he went shopping, and grabbed a can on accident.(This happens a lot because my residents are blind.) There was no shame in Felix game he announced it to everyone one night during supper, and that was always the going joke.

When he would come to the medicine desk at eight-o-clock. He would carry a red, white, and black transistor-radio. He would sit it up on my counter, turn it down, and say”You getting tired yet Shelley” I would tell him. Yes I was, until you showed up! he would turn red, put the back of his hand over his open mouth and throw his head back laughing. He took his medicine and headed straight back to his room.

When I noticed Felix being a bit more quiet and not AS prompt. I would make a pit stop by his room, after all my meds were passed. He would be laying there toward the wall, curled up, with that red, white, and black transistor-radio, tucked inside the circle of his arm listening to music. I’d ask him if he was okay or if there was anything I could do? He’d tell me his neck hurt. I asked him if I could rub it for him. And he said “yes Shelley”

I feel pensive whenever Felix comes to my mind. He comes often. He was one of the first resident who showed me the meaning of humble, not the definition. The way he lived his life. Simple, sweet, funny, and quiet.

The night he passed he was holding on to that red, white, and black transistor-radio

friendship · Home

Laughing To The Grave

October 5, 2015October 5, 2015 shelie2712 Comments

Too Soon

Can anything be funny or are some things off-limits?

In my opinion, there are times you need to be serious and try not to make light of a situation. I also believe in serious moments, humor happens. Here are a few examples.

After our twins were born. The hospital gave us an option to have a visitation, people could come and see Willy and Gabe before they took them. I wasn’t for sure I was up to it or not but my husband had purchased mementos he wanted to give to everyone. That night all my friends, his parents, and brothers came up to visit. I was sitting up in bed, most of my friends were sitting on the side with me. A nurse who was assigned to my room when they first diagnosed my Premature Labor came in to tell me she was sorry to hear about my loss. She did this out of genuine compassion because she was not assigned to me during this time. The whole room was quiet as she expressed her sympathy, which wasn’t easy at all for her to do. The only noise you could hear was people catching their breath and sniffing. My friend Sarah pats my arm, gets up off my bed, walks over and pulls a wad of kleenex out of the box and blows her nose like an eighty year old man in the doctor’s office with a hanky! My friend Allison was the first one to laugh than me and after that there we all were!

I also chose for the hospital to put the funeral on for Gabe and Willy. Which took us to a cemetery here in town, it’s a big cemetery. They have a designated area for the babies, on top of a hill. You have to walk over another hill before you get to the top of this one. My mom, me and my friend Allison were watching people as they were trying to carefully walk down this muddy hill. One lady wasn’t so lucky as the mud got the best of her. To the ground she went and rolled like a barrel all the way down…

My dad is the serious one in my parents marriage. He secretly digs my moms humor, which sometimes involves him. Not long ago we were all out to eat together. We got on the subject of an acquaintance of theres who had a spouse that recently passed. They had found another companion. I asked my mom if she thought it was weird that she was “back in the saddle”. My mom says. “Shelley not at all, I’m engaged to be married the day after your dads funeral…” I laughed hard as my dad sat there shaking his head, rolling his eyes, and not even giving the slightest smile.

We have talked many times about where I work. My residents are Visually Impaired. When one of them passes on its hard for some of are residents to get out and go to their funeral. We have memorials here in the building in honor of the resident who passes away. This allows residents to be able to talk about their “good times”. We did this recently for “Jack” when he died. We had quite a few who came down. They sat in the dining-room. We have couches that make a square all the way around the room, They started from right to left, “Emmet” was on the other side which would make her last. They let everyone know that they had to wait their turn. Each one of the residents were standing up telling the preacher about one thing they remember doing with “Jack” or something funny he said. All the other residents and staff quietly sat and listened meanwhile Emmett was raising her hand, standing halfway up to try to raise it further, she would get tired of holding that hand up and start in with the other, grunting, moaning, whispering pick me pick me…

I call these “hold Ons” constellations to shine down on us in times of darkness giving us hope and a future.

Children · friendship · Home

Cruising

September 27, 2015September 27, 2015 shelie279 Comments

When Childhood Ends, Write about a defining moment in your life when you are forced to grow up in an instant (for a series of instants)

There are a few moments that define when I was no longer a child. I have been faced with decisions in my life especially with the twins, even with that decision I wonder if the state I was in at that moment of my life if it was a rash decision or a decision made out of anger and pain… It may be a topic we talk about one day or not. It’s a controversial subject it would open doors for others to chime in and I have come to far to open all those sores.

My husband and I take drives every now and then to get out-of-town, not to far, far enough where we have time to talk, talk about the things we don’t normally discuss at home during the work week and raising our son. I can’t remember the exact date. What I do remember is thinking “this is what it feels like to be a grown-up) We were on the subject of ex-girlfriends and boyfriends. If you have read my about me, I-am wife number three for my husband. He will tell you the first wife was a mistake. We barely talk about her, as he says “it don’t matter because there is no history” take that comment however you want because it’s for the best.

His second wife is where conversations get complicated. They have children together, he did love her, and enjoyed their friendship. On the day we took this drive, we had just found out some news about her and her husband that was concerning to him. It brought him back to a conversation that they had together before their divorce and her new marriage. I could tell Steve was having a bit of a hard time explaining his emotions he had going on inside, to me. I-am typically a jealous woman when it comes to him but this particular day I told him it was okay to share his hurt and regret with me. I felt led to keep my mouth shut for him and that is what I did. He was able to tell his story without me sighing, chiming in, explaining his feelings and all the other bull that comes along with those certain conversations.

I recently told you about another mishaps regarding the ex-wife and the daughter. (click here) I did take the advice of a few of my readers. I apologized with a brief note and she accepted and told me that she appreciated my apology.

Daily Post · Family

Unto The Breach

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015 shelie272 Comments

Grab a coffee and get comfy! — You may grab a java and get comfy!

Dear Friends,

Decisions, decisions How are you more likely to make an important decision-by reasoning through it, or by going with your gut?

If you would have asked me this question about four months back, I would have told you that I contemplated on all my decision. I would call my three life lines and run things by them asking what they thought? After having confirmation from them, I would still teeter and stagnate. Sometime its easier to play it safe, Don’t you think? One of my procrastinations was moving, yes moving out of the Tin Can. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was a trailer. We had not been good at keeping the trailer up. The home needed some repairs. There were some dents in the floor, the carpet had been there since I moved in eight years ago, windows were cracking and leaking, the place just needed to be refurbished. If I knew then what I know now I would have made the changes it needed before moving in. If you want me to be real though. My finances at the time would not allow me to do the repairs, it needed then. It was perfect for me than because it was just myself and my foster baby. He was getting ready to leave and go live with his grandma. This was not a choice of mine. We prayed and prayed. The day they tested his D.n.a, because an older lady thought he’d belonged to her son. If that was the case she wanted to step up. My family and I fought hard for the little, dark, chunk of burning love but we lost… He brought us seven months of joy and the decision was out of my hands.

We had to make a decision about the trailer. To put money the money we had into it or find something else. We wracked our brains and eyes, always driving around looking but nothing more than looking. I was getting board and confused about what my husband wanted to do. He wasn’t saying much. I was overwhelmed with all the things we accumulated and needed to get rid of because they were collecting dust. I made a phone call one day to my dad and told him basically what I wrote to all of you. He informed me that I was holding myself back and gave me clarity.

Dad: Shelley, Sometimes you have to hold your nose and jump in. I would be still living in the trailer you grew up in, if I hadn’t jumped. You make your decision than you learn that sometimes there right and sometimes there wrong. The only way you’ll find out, is by taking a chance. You’re a good judge and whatever you choose to do I-am confident you will be okay.

We made the move and I feel so much better. We did not buy a house, yet. We our living in a five-room duplex its small, remodeled and clean. We got rid of all those things that were collecting dust, if we need any maintenance work we just call the landlord. This works for us right now because we work, have a child, and a marriage to maintain. We decided at this point we’re not big fix it people. So if we bought a house we might end up right back in the situation we started in. If there is one thing I try to live by that also came from my dad years ago. “Never Back Only Forward”

Daily Post

Daily Post – Waiting Room

July 7, 2014March 1, 2015 shelie275 Comments

Prompt Waiting Room Good things come to those who wait.” Do you agree? How long is it reasonable to wait for something you really want?

This is an older post originally from July 2014, but to me it fit so well with the waiting room theme. My blog is fixed for now until we hit turbulence again. Over the years I have grown to like a bit of a malfunction because of the aftermath it has on us, were never the same just a bit rearranged…

My one year anniversary is coming up and If I learned anything it’s that blogging takes lots of patients and time. Blogging does not just happen overnight eventually it comes to you in bits but nothing more and a whole lot of less.

I should really explain myself.

Before signing on with this blogging platform, I went out on the internet to try to figure out where to start it directed me to a few places. For some reason those platforms did not work out. They just didn’t feel right. Some of them connected me to other sites of mine and it wasn’t what I was looking for. I wanted something low-key at first so after I was established I would share it with others, if I felt the need.

When climbing on board here there was no one helping me I never blogged before. I didn’t know what a dashboard was, a theme, I wrestled with was a text a post, how do I find people all this along with barely any typing skills whatsoever. Which still need some working on along with my grammar.

What started this blogging idea was I took an english class a few years ago where I first learned to write an essay. I know that’s awful being a bit slower in school, not paying attention to the teacher, and worrying about everyone else and what they were doing has me feeling regretful at thirty-seven. If there was one thing I could go back and do it would be school. I would have tried harder, focused more on my school work than my life outside school. Some of that was not all my fault but that’s another post.

When I took this English class and applied myself, It opened me up to a whole new world. What it did was expanded my vocabulary a bit and Instead of jabbering on paper like I used to. I was writing stories about my life and somewhat staying on the subject. Which allowed me to share my life where people could somewhat understand.

I have done everything the hard way my whole life. Even things out of my power. When I was twelve I had congenital heart defect and had to get a bunch of angioplasty where the doctor threads a thin tube through a blood vessel in my groin up to the involved site in the valve. Then he expands the valve with a balloon. They did this every year from eight till thirteen it was no longer effective. Then they had to go in and open up my heart, which wasn’t even the hard part. Days after many sleepless nights of hard breathing. My grams noticed I was filling up with water. because of a pocket on my back had got so full she could see the water, also known as Congestive heart failure. Four hours from drowning in my own fluid they rushed me into surgery putting a chest tube right into my incision and drained more than two liters of water off me.I know its come to past but it is still a great part of the person I have become. Thankful for my life.

I understand that the struggle of blogging is not that severe but it still has been challenging to me because it’s a process of reading, learning, and trying to figure things out by asking questions and waiting days for responses, trying to make it half way presentable since presentation has lots to do with the people you may or may not pull in. Since this has been more for my well-being for now I have thrown the presentation to the wind. When I get the time to write these days it just feels so good to me. So writing is my focus.

I also believe our struggles brings us to our greatest joys.

In my basic college English class we read a book it’s not letting me tell you what it is but it’s about a kid who is now an author who got grounded as a little boy. He had to write obituaries for an old lady who was appointed this job in their small town they lived in. To me he really didn’t deserve to get grounded but that’s my opinion. He really gets a lot of static from kids cause he can’t do things like play ball or got to the movies, even playing outside in his own yard! his mother makes him mow the lawn, take care of the animals and even help her barter so their family can eat while others kids get the life of Riley!

In my book report at the end of the class. I wrote lets face it nothing good comes out of life without a struggle. Jack Gantos wouldn’t have been able to write this book without his childhood. Sometimes those are the best stories and builds character.

You end up appreciating things when they don’t come easy and fast.

The other day at an origami party I made a necklace with a memorial to my twins who passed away five years ago in premature labor. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I also put my little guy in there because he couldn’t be left out and neither could my husband, at the end of the party the host said what about you what do you like to do? don’t you want to put something in their that represents what you like?

Yes! I like to write I have a blog. Do you have a pin charm? No I am sorry we don’t. My response as usual that’s okay I will wait.

Home

The Oldsmobile

January 25, 2014June 4, 2016 shelie278 Comments

Childhood

Being lean in money my dad bought a car to get him from “Point A to Point B”

The olds did just this for my dad

Today it holds a bittersweet memory

The car was a lighter brown and long like the long hours my dad worked to support his family on his own

There were four doors only three worked

A reminder of being the family of three we were

The driver side mirror was shattered spider webbed out where you could see my dads broken reflection

Symbolic to all the years he drove around single with a broken heart

The passage side door we all climbed in

Was heavy like the love that my brother and I carry for our hero of a dad

The brownish red interior of the car hung low

like the low times we were having in our lives

The smell of smoke

Fastfood

Filled the air

Like the love my dad poured out to and fro

To form a concrete foundation

To anchor down what we did have

The Car always moved

Slow at first

A reminder

That forward we go but slowly