Family · Grandma · love · memories

Million Dollar Night Gown

As a young girl my grandma helped my dad out a lot on the weekends. When my dad had to work. On Friday’s she would come to get me and my brother.

My grandma was a bit more laid back then my father with getting our way. We’d   go shopping for clothes, toys, and out to eat. You know the things most grandmas do?

She always enjoyed having us stay over.

The second you walked into her house it was like walking into a different world. She would greet us with a smile and hug. My childhood troubles would be lifted like a book-bag loaded with seven or eight books at her door. She would ask questions about our lives. What our you working on in school? Do you like your teacher? hows your dad been? I would answer her questions but tell her more about the bullies in my life. She’d  quietly waited til I was done talking and tell me she was sorry to hear those things and that she loved me and to her I was special.

All the way up into my late twenties we continued to have a healthy relationship. I would still go over and stay all night. We continued shopping, going out to eat, and taking long drives, especially in the fall to see all the leaves changing colors.

In Illinois we have lots of trees one on top of the other so our falls here are stunning it’s worth the while. Sometimes we would just stay in. Those times were my favorites because we would talk for hours about her past with my grandpa, my future, shed tell me stories about her siblings, and all the places  she traveled with her friends George and Dorothy.

During those times around her house my “Grams a Million” would always wear her night-gown. She dressed up to the nines when she went out. The clothes she wore she liked but some of them not so comfortable so if she was home she always had her night-gown on.

The gown was slick and light. They were not attractive at all. She had a million of them in a million different colors. They had a peasant low-cut neck, if you didn’t tie it with the dull drab strings, you could see some of her pale chest. The sleeves were short and airy, they had bolts of red, blue, and purple all over that looked liked streaks of lighting.

The backdrop of the gowns were black which made her blue eyes, pale skin, and short dark hair standout. The gown stopped below her knees. she was short and you could see her skinny white legs. She was always barefoot when she was home. Which I loved. To me it said she wasn’t in a hurry. You could take off your shoes and stay awhile.

Many late evenings when we were lounging around watching the Golden Girls in her night gowns. I sat and watched her rocking in her orange chair. knowing that one day this time would no longer be… Maybe that was odd but its the truth. We have to embrace that our loved ones will not be with us on earth forever.

I am so thankful and blessed for the twenty-eight years we had together.

Shortly after her passing I was able to go over to her house by myself. I walked through the house slowly touching and going over everything she had worked hard for all her. Like I was in a museum of old artifacts listening to her explain all the details of each piece. I thought it would bother me seeing it all packed and piled high.

At the end of my journey picking through things wondering if I should take this or that… With a deep sigh, I walked into her room, opened her drawer full of night-gowns, Anyone  would do. She wore them all. I grabbed her old photo albums, laid across her bed, admiring her younger years, and pretending she was there with me.

When I left that day I took her one night-gown with me because it was my Million Dollar Treasure.

Children · Twins

A memory of six years ago

The fog has separated these last six years where I am able to see ahead of me but every so often a bit of it drifts over in front of me and me being me I pull over to the side to wait for it to clear up again and forward I continue to go but slowly.

Two weeks after my twins passed away from being born premature, I had to go in for a check up at the doctor’s office. I checked in and sat down in the waiting room.

All the new babies and beautiful bellies were popping out in 3D. I was starting to develop a lump in my throat, being in a public place where no one knows what is going on with one another except happiness of the future. I didn’t want to have a break down and steel every ones thunder. So staring dead ahead is what helped me to stay focused enough not to lose it!

A lady I used to babysit for in my yester years walked up to the desk,it had been over seven or eight years since we seen or talked to each other, I thought about saying hello and decided it was not in my best interest. I put my head down and moved further back away from everyone.

The nurse called me back to see the doctor and my tears were able to start falling. When I got into the room  she was already in their waiting for me. She motioned me to sit down in the chair across from her. She put her hands on each side of my legs and asked me.

How are you feeling Shelley?

Empty

Do you want to hurt yourself?

No.

Shelley I am sorry if I could give you a baby I would. Is there anything at all I can do to help you with your sadness?

Yes. Can you give me a minute alone in here?

She shook her head yes gave me a hug and walked out the door.

I tilted my head back on the wall, scooted down into the chair with my legs stretched straight out in front of me. I closed my eyes and pretended my stomach was full of active healthy babies kicking and rolling around the way they always did and that this was a regular visit, I pretended my due date was right around the corner and I would soon go into to full term labor, I pretended of my family uniting instead of fighting, I pretended of holding you in joy instead of this cold, dark hellish nightmare we were in and the doctor would come back in and tell me you were both doing wonderful, I didn’t want to lift my heavy head off the wall but when I did the small, empty, dull room greeted me to the truth.

I could hear all the staff chattering outside the door. I wondered what they all were thinking of me. I opened the door to my reality and what they had already known, about me. They extended their arms and apologies towards me because I am a grieving mother to two sweet boys in heaven.

 

Gabe and willy 08/04/08
” I ache for the day I can kiss your foreheads and hold you in my arms again” Danielle Walker

 

Family · Home · love

Good Food

 The memories of my childhood with my dad as a little girl. Stand out like the bright sun in a rainstorm! I suppose its because of his loving spirit and the way he has lived his life out through example instead of preaching.

He always had supper on the table most nights and we would always sit down together no matter how simple they were. The table was always cleared off never has it “…caught” anything but good food and conversation. However we did enjoy fast food quite often. He would grab it on the drive home or decide afterwards and we would all go pick it up together.

One night always revisit my thoughts.

We drove over to the local Dq  he puts in the order and we pull around. He puts the car in park tells us their pretty busy tonight after about ten minutes the lady give us our food my dad does his bag check as always hands the bag to my brother and proceeds to sit their just looking at the lady. She said sir what did we forget my dad says do you want your money? she laughs and says omg! Thank you so much sir.

When he drives off of course we chuckle and ask him why didn’t you just pull away dad we could have had a free meal? No it wouldn’t have been right you guys! Our dishonesty could have gotten her fired. I don’t want to see no one lose their job over me…

My brother and I didn’t say much after his answer he has always been pretty firm. So there was no need to say more. Though that night has always spoken to me. Most of his parenting does speak to me now more in my life than ever before.

This story has been a bit harder for me to tell but I did not want to leave it out because it shows my two or three readers more about who he is. Even in his struggle he always did the right thing and I am so very proud of him. I realize that all my stories are part of the past but you are such a good story and I plan to tell of all the good food you gave us for the soul.