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“Tis better to have loved than lost than never loved at all”

Day Four: Serially Lost 

Today’s  Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life and isn’t anymore. Today’s twist: Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

If you had the power to change one thing about this world what would it be and why? Please feel free to leave your answer in the comments.

In my last post we talked about songs that had important meaning in my life. In which I told you Phil Collins, In The Air tonight: reminded me of my friend Nikki and her mom. She was the first friend in elementary school I ever had. She is my lost someone who isn’t anymore.

"God has a habit of picking up nobodies and making them sombodies."
“God has a habit of picking up nobodies and making them sombodies.”

The school we both attended at the time was predominately all white. She was the color of a Snickers Bar and  I was a bit lighter like the background of a Cheerios box. We both had coarse curly hair, only with hers you could see her curls, since her mom knew how to manage it. My hair was just a thick, short, frizz ball of fuzz that stood straight up.

My friend and I would have sleep overs. We would always play with each others hair especially when our hair was wet. We would have competitions about who’s hair was longest. She would always win. This did not bother me. I was just glad to have a friend who was like me. She didnt stare at me, she didn’t ask me questions about my dad, Why he had red hair and was white and I was dark with hair that didn’t necessarily add up! She loved me the way people should love regardless of color, gender. size, age and anything else that will fit into this category. She was the only black girl this “black girl”  had and I’m not black, but it was the way kids and adults seen us, from the “outside.”

I lost understanding and equality when she vanished from my life.

I never knew what she meant to me until the day before yesterday. My thoughts have come back to her all my life. Recently my dad sent me a message it was a link to her dad’s obituary, When we were asked to write about the songs that had significant meaning “In The Air Tonight” was the first song that came to the shore, now here I am writing this post about loss and yet she shows up again…

This is why I been writing. To get down to the nitty-gritty of all the things that have been laying dormant in my life for years. I won’t lie somethings have lingered especially the bullies but I’m pressing forward in hopes to forgive those who know not what they do. I have been held hostage long enough and I,m to old to be looking over my shoulder wondering why these kids treated me the way they did.

Steve and I have been looking for houses. This has been an ongoing battle in more ways than one. The more time it takes, I realize “What I am looking for is not out there its inside me” Helen Keller

Daily Post

Writing 101 Free Birdie

Todays writing 101 prompt: Unlock The Mind. Take twenty minutes to free write. It doesn’t matter if what you write is incomplete, or nonsense, or not worthy of the “publish” button.

Howdy-do!

I have to admit this first assignment for blogging 101 is quite nerve-racking. I’m hoping towards the end I’m better than I was. My English teacher told me on my last day of class “practice makes perfect”. I believe in the philosophy and also in myself. Like some, I don’t always look forward to sitting down with a pen and paper. I literally force myself, afterwards not only do I feel better but also accomplished. It’s the one thing I literally do for myself. Maybe that is wrong when you have a blog with followers? Someone asked me yesterday if having a following was  a goal of mine? I sat down and thought about the question, and  I can’t answer that right now. Maybe someday when the gridlock breaks, Yes. For now its all mambo jumbo. From most things I read it may stay that way…

Daily Post · friendship · Home

Probation

FullSizeRenderTake A Chance On Me: What was the biggest chance you took? Did it work out?

I was twenty-one working in a daycare, taking care of babies. The daycare was large and had about 500 kids all together. The front desk had two happy well dressed woman sitting behind it. They were always smiling and greeting  you by name. There was an elevator across from the desk, it ran to the second story of the building, when you got off  you could go right or left, on the right was a short hallway that cut off into a tea, on the left side was a supervisor office and on the right side the owner of the building had her office. I always took the left turn and around the corner. I enjoyed the turn every morning before walking into my room. There were five infant rooms with windows. You could stand out and peak in at many tiny babies, back then we took care of babies who were just six weeks old. I enjoyed the job and the responsibilities because the job made me feel like I was doing my part to make the world a better place. I still had a lot of growing up to do during my spare time.

I had quite the group of friends that led to many nights out dancing, mingling, and meeting men. We always closed the bars down, meaning we did not leave until sometimes after three. This led to strolling in late to work most mornings and coming head to head with that perfect freshly pressed blonde supervisor. She seemed like she had it all together… ( there has always been something intimidating and admirable about a woman who has herself dressed to the nines first thing in the morning). She would look at her watch, shake her head, and purse her lips. I would walk straight to the elevator with my head down to my chest as far as it would go, standing waiting for the doors to open was like waiting for a punishment from your parents, when you were younger. I somehow managed to dodge her wrath.

THEN

One night got a bit out of hand. My friend (who also worked at the daycare) asked me if I wanted to go for a few drinks… It was the first time I tried Fuzzy Navels and they were going down like Niagara Falls. The few things I remember was leaving with my friend and two other guys, a fight that broke out in the parking lot, and falling up stairs. I woke up to the bright sun beaming on me  in a hotel room (yes hotel room) I got up and ran to the bathroom to get sick, after my episode I stood up, creeped back in to the room with my head down, walked over to the clock, picked it up and with a glance a lump formed in my throat, it was eleven o clock. My shift started at eight. A big fat tear rolled down my face. I walked over and shook my friend. I asked her what should we do? Her answer: well its too late now we will just have to look for another job. She lived with her parents. I had my own place and enjoyed having my own place, plus I  loved my job. It made me feel helpful, needed, and grown up. I had let myself down for the first time in my whole life. I got myself together and headed home and went straight to bed. I cried myself to sleep. I woke up later that evening thinking about how to make this right, regardless of the outcome. My plan was just calling and lying, for some reason I  couldn’t bring myself to do that.

The next morning came in as slow as a snail. I got out of bed at six o clock, got breakfast, my shower, and put my makeup on and headed out. My roommate: where are you going”? “To work” Do you think you still have a job Shelley? I have know  idea but I had to try. The drive into town remains the most nerve-racking drive of my whole life. I got to the parking lot and had a few minutes to get inside before my shift. I sat there debating about going in. I just could not give up this good thing I had going on with this job. I got out my car with my head high and shoulders up! I opened the double doors and my boss was sitting at the front desk. I walked straight in as fast as I could to the elevator with my head down. “Shelley” what are you doing here? Going to work? “No” you don’t work here anymore. The words shot out of her mouth in hit me like a bullet to the lungs. Taking my breath away, clumping up in my throat, slowly choking me and holding my voice hostage. It took me a minute to swallow so I could say something. People started to gather around and watch, making the situation worse. “Shelley” just turn around and go home. Fran, please just let me go to my classroom please? “Shelley” you let so many people down yesterday including your class, you through my schedule off and I had to switch people to different class rooms because you no called no-show. Fran please let me go upstairs and do my job?  She sat there for a minute pursing her lips and not blinking. I guess I could use you for the day. Go to your room. We will come get you later. You may have a chance to explain yourself. The day drug but that was okay by me. They waited until the end of my shift to come and get me. We walked down the hall of shame to the supervisor’s office with five well put together woman (you know how that gets me). The owner of the daycare included was there and says what happened to you yesterday Shelley? I sat there debating if I was going to tell the truth or not. She says again “Shelley were waiting” I looked at them all and said I will shoot for the truth, last night I had one to many drinks and woke up at eleven o clock in a hotel room and I really can’t remember too much at all. The reason I did not call was because I had to get myself together, I was shocked, sick and a mess and needed to reflect. I let myself down and had to figure out how to handle the situation. They all looked at each other and looked at me. Then the director says you’re  on probation for three months if you so much come in a minute late we will let you go. I stood up off that chair and told them all “Thank You” it was that moment of truth where I transformed and set the foundation of my work ethics!

If you ever do anything in life be honest, face your mistakes head on even if your punished you will be free. True freedom comes within the heart and mind. When you tell the truth its then when you truly live.