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My Notepad

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I miss my Son, my Mom, Dad, and my Husband taking the picture. I miss them without any of us being gone. I miss Izzy too, she’s the clump of fur on my Moms lap. I have a good life.

I’ve been writing in a notepad I carry in my Vera Bradley, bag. I don’t write everyday in my notepad. I don’t write every other day, either. I only write when I’m feeling the vibe.

 

I can’t believe I carry a notepad, in my bag, with a lot of my feelings openly written inside. I have actually thought about how I would feel if I misplaced or left my bag at someone’s house or my job. I worry about what people might think of me if they read what I wrote. I worry more about the notepad than my money I have in my bag. If I’m being honest it’s because I have a lot more feelings than money.

 

I’ve thought about leaving the notepad here at home but then I think about how much I love my notepad and how it’s there to catch me if I need to write down what I’m feeling. The fact that there are other feelings of mine written in my notepad, encourages me to keep my notepad with me and write down other feelings, if needed.

 

The notepad has no cover, because of taking it out and putting it back inside my bag so much. I still carry the cover that belongs to the notepad around in my bag, as well.  The notepad at first was to write information down about a product I wear and share on social media. I still share the love I have for the product but not as often.

 

The notepad comes in handy for my feelings, and basically, I guess, that is where my heart may be.

 

I write in my notepad when something or someone makes me angry, and the rest of my writing is about death. I think about death a lot. I think, I think about death more than I should, and no, I don’t know WHY, either. I don’t think about death as in what will happen when I die. I think about all the people I will miss when I do die.

 

I know this may sound odd because when we die we obviously don’t know we’re dead, and in Heaven we don’t miss people they say. I guess you could say, I miss the thought of missing my family and friends.

 

 

 

 

12 thoughts on “My Notepad

  1. I think we know when we die. I think we realize there has been a transition from one life to the next. When you are close with Jesus, you have no fear or worry of death! You only long to be in his presence. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is a lot of truth in your comment. I’m sure when your faith is solid you don’t worry, much. I’m not going to lie. I wrestle with my faith probably more than God would approve of. Thank you, for reading.

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  2. First, you write your feelings well. That said, you could write them as stories as if they are anothers. Sometimes we understand better, see them for what they are when looked at from the onlooker rather than from inside. Every one is born, and every single person dies. We only think we know the next part or have belief/faith in something once taught. Do you remember the first time you licked an icecream? Or held that bundle in your Mothers lap? Find a special moment and write it as you close your eyes. Write it as you feel the way you felt. Show don’t tell. Replay that second behind closed eyes, write as deep as you can in feelings… something like this. I swallowed, the splash that filled my mouth at the moment took me by surprise. As my gaze captured the glory, the swirls of frozen cream made my eyes wide my tummy flutter. My bare thighs stuck to the seat, besandled feet stopped mid swing. As if in slow motion the shiny spoon clutched in my tiny hand dug deep. Scooping such a mountain of glory. I saw Mum’s eyes eyes crinkle at the edges; felt her smile warm me as her joy for my first taste came closer. Too much teetered on the spoon. “Quick before it melts’ she called. My eyes snapped shut. My lips tinggled like sherbet as my mouth and tongue devoured its sweet coolness. A wonder I will never forget. … The moments of your life that have sung to you, the milliseconds of first times that rush of love that has a space inside … once written will fill you and those who read it with so much pleasure that the sad thoughts will dissipate still there as they are but less important, they will lessen as you fill your blog with fabulous wondrous uplifting words. The ones that .. unknown to you take more room in your life and fill your cup half full. X
    Keep writing, be happy because you are here with all those you love in the picture and elsewhere. Celebrate every good thought in words.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I used to carry around a little notebook too. I’d save them. They’d be all dog-eared and ugly so I started buying better looking ones. I’d been an artist all my life, as long as I can remember. I was always drawing…always. Then once I decided to do it for a living I went to school to be a graphic designer. I should have been fulfilled. Idk why but after I left school I never drew or painted anymore. If someone would have told me when I was 25 that there’d be a time when I didn’t draw anymore I wouldn’t have believed them. I think I had an identity crisis- if I wasn’t an artist anymore- I didn’t know What I was!
    I was going to tell you all about how I accidentally realized I love to write. I bought a bunch of beautiful hardcover blank books to fill. But I’m a perfectionist, nothing is ever good enough for anyone else to read. So I keep nothing. I spill my heart out in comment sections all over the internet. My Android is my notepad, my library, my life, Even my best friend since my husband died. Occasionally I’ll print the screen to save something, when I read it later I can’t believe that was me. Not the ‘feelings’ crap- I’ve been doing that since my first tiny diary when I was 8. But sometimes I come across some political commentary, or sociological insight or philosophy…. And I think Damn, maybe I’m a writer after all…
    But I’m not, if I proofread this I will delete it so— there it is, now I’m gonna go eat some ice cream cuz I’m sad.

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