Room 134 And Voices On The Radio

I’m working overtime today. Which is nothing new. I was in a funk when I first clocked in.

First, because today is my day off.

2.) This is my eighth straight day in a row.

3.) Once again, I was offered day shift. After sixteen years of working evenings, I had to decline. The way my husband, and I have our schedules work with raising Gabe. My husband works mornings, and I work evenings.

Working evenings, here at the home never ceases to amaze me. I’m always reminded, why I chose this shift.

My schedule was not my only reason.

1.) I wrote of LAUGHTER in my post: She didn’t leave me hanging

2.) I wrote of FAITH in my post: Nosy

3.) I wrote of  LOVE inside both of those post.

Back-paddle to earlier: I’m in a funk making my rounds around the building. One big circle. Karl is in his doorway

Ms. Lady Ms. lady

Could you come over here and help me write a letter? 

Sure I can.

Karl, has developed Dementia these last few years. I’m sure most of his memories are real. I’m just not sure of the timeline. As in, I’m not sure if these people are still living. I will do my best to find out, and I will mail the letter.

In the meantime I want to share with you good people.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin

When I first came to Fairfield many years ago. I heard the voices of you and your wife. Her name is Jen. I heard her voice first. I hope you two are enjoying your retirement? My name is Karl Graff. I would like to tell you about the circus we went to a long time ago. I’m trying to find somebody who knows how I can get the Guidepost on cassette. I forgot the gentlemen who took your place? I always enjoyed your voices on the radio they sounded so good!

Your friend, Karl Graff

 

 

Christmas Eve, And Christmas Day

I would like to share how our Christmas went. This was the first year, my husband had his children here on Christmas. We had them the day after Christmas last year, and we were grateful. This year even more so, because all of our kids were together on Christmas morning.

Gabe, woke up at about 12:30 a.m and informed me Santa had been here. He climbed into bed right beside me, and was shaking to the point I thought something was wrong. I asked him if he was alright? 

Yes, Mom I’m so excited!

He did tell me his legs were hurting. He gets growing pains during the night. (The doctor is aware and has told me they’re growing pains). We got up to get him pain reliever, and as we walked through the kitchen, he stopped, and stared into the living-room at our small white tree, with gifts underneath.

I could stand here all night, mom!

I chuckled, gave him his medicine, and told him we had to go back to bed. I drift off for about an hour and a half and wake up to him telling his brother:

I got another Bowser amibo! 

I slapped Steven  awake, and told him their in their opening presents! He hops right up like someone is breaking into the house. Before he leaves the room, I said don’t yell their excited. I hear him say:

Did you open all your gifts without us…

Gabe, continued to tell him what he got. He pushed him back to bed, and told him to not get up until morning.

They all woke up around 8:00 a.m and we watched them open their presents. I was worried, because a few of them had a bit more than the other. Neither one of our children said anything about their amount of presents.

This was also the first year, I did Christmas dinner. Steve asked me if we could have dinner here since he had to take the kids back the next morning, I agreed. I kept dinner real simple, especially being my first time. We had a ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, green been casserole, and rolls. I burnt the rolls.

I sipped on Bailey’s’ while I cooked. It felt good, to know, I had two more days off to spend  with my family. Steve’s Mom helped me clean up, and do dishes. She said I did a nice job, and that this was the first time in twenty-two years she had off the hook from having Christmas dinner at her house.

My Step-daughter, practiced her flute downstairs, and I watched. She is making great progress. She played a favorite of mine.

I dreamed a dream

When she was done, she went upstairs to call her Mom. She told her Merry Christmas, and asked her if they could stay one more night. Her Mom said, Yes.

I must admit.

This was a great Christmas.

He used all the good notes!

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Life With An Earthling And Two Angels In Heaven

The day you were born, I didn’t hold you right away. The doctor showed you to me and then had to stitch me up. They pushed my bed through the lobby. Where your grandpa, uncles, aunts, and friends would greet us with smiles, and tears. They said how beautiful you were, and how much you looked like me.The nurse got me settled in my room and told me it would be an hour before they let friends and family in. They wanted the anatesia to wear off and monitor my stats. The nurse asked if I wanted to see you, I shook my head yes.

When she put you in my arms. I didn’t count your fingers and toes. I ran my hand over your face, arms and legs. I was in awe of the thickness of your skin. I not only, seen your hair, I lifted you up to my face, rubbing it up and down against my cheek. I rubbed my finger up and down your  perfectly in tact nose. The nurse was giving me pain meds, taking my vitals, checking my incision, and you were screaming your head off. I lied there, with you in my arms screaming. I wasn’t hearing a thing. The nurse must have had enough, because she came up to the head of my bed, put her arm around me, smiled and said, “I think he may be hungry”. We untied my gown to see if you would latch onto me but you wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding. They asked me if it was okay to give you a bottle, because your blood sugar tested low. In which I agreed.

Family and friends came in and took over. Holding you, feeding you, changing you, and enjoying a new baby like they should. I must have fell asleep during visiting hours, because when I woke up. The room was empty, except daddy he was asleep. I pushed the call bell to ask them to bring you down and they did. I tried waking your dad up but he was dead to the world. I grabbed you out of your warmer to  hold and enjoy you in my arms. I thought for a minute, the lining around your lips was turning blue but chucked it up to nerves, then it happened again. I called the nurse, I  yelled he’s “turning blue” they raced in, grabbed you, held you up to the light, turned you from side to side, shaking her head saying “I don’t see anything”. She handed you back and I was scared frozen. She left the room. I held you like I was balancing a spoon on my nose. I looked down at you, without moving my head,  your lips turned blue again. I yelled and they came running. They held you up to the light, and said “were gonna take him down to the nursery, we can keep an eye on him”. She didn’t tell me she agreed.  I asked, her what she seen?  She said “we will keep an eye on him”. The old, no jumping to conclusions move. I know this move all to well, and it’s not a good place to be standing.

That night, they came in, and told me and your dad that your oxygen level was dipping down into the forties. They had to keep you in the neonatal unit, to observe you. They kept oxygen, by your bed, in case they had to use it. They said once it lowered it would rise back up instantly and because of it rising up, you didn’t have to wear the oxygen full-time. This is also called destating, it happens to premature babies, although you weighed eight pounds and six ounces, you were big, but little. They delivered you at thirty-six weeks, there is forty in gestation.

I shut down, when they gave me this news. It was another punch in the upper left side of my chest.There was no reason, for no hope, but to a grieving mother it’s all or nothing. I have sat on pins and needles ever since that day. I have beat myself up over these last years, realizing you were behind and blaming myself for holding you to close. Checking on you through the night, making sure, I seen the rise and fall, keeping you from others without being there, in case someone decided to run off with you, driving by the school playground just so I can see that your alive and well. I realized as I sat in the doctor’s office with you earlier today and pondered on all these thoughts as I watched you jumping, skipping, and rolling around on the floor.

That you are my sunshine

My only sunshine, son, you

make me happy when

skies are gray

only God knows how much

I love you and I know he can

take you any day.

I hand his life over to you, because, even here on earth, with me. He is still yours, and he needs you just as much as I do.

I sat at my twin boys grave, that day in August. I closed my eyes, visioning,  Jesus, holding both of my baby boys in each of his arms, swaddled perfectly, in white. In that field of green, and the bluest of skies with peace that surpasses all understanding.

Introducing, Freebird16 To The Platform

I want to introduce YOU to my dear friend.

I will try my best to give you an intro without spoiling anything she would like to write about. The name of her blog is Freebird16. She writes about being newly divorced, abuse, and love. I have been friends with her for six or seven years now. We met at work, the job I often talk about. We have sons who are around the same age and they have given us something in common. We started out meeting at the park with our boys, then she had my son and I come over. She guided my faith in Jesus, and confirmed to me that my dreams, and visions were real. She cried with me on more than one occasion about the loss of my twin boys. When she told me about her mother being sick, and how she would lie with her in bed, I knew she was someone I would want to spend my time knowing. I think you would as well. Please when you have a minute welcome her the way you have me. You as well have much to give. Even if it’s just a piece of advice, it will go a long way. Thank you

Freebird16, I would like to introduce you to some of the blogs, I roll with!

 

Hometogo, Dian was the first blogger who followed me. She showed me how to find and create a layout, how to create an about me page, how to tag, and also supported me through a few dark post, she did this not even knowing me and I-am grateful to have come across her. I wouldn’t be the professional, popular, blogger, today without her. She has gone through a lot this past year and does not post as much as she used to. When she does she talks about depression, family, her single mother, and her life with her husband.

Raspberry’s Daydreams, Raspberry was my second follower. She has read and commented on my blogs from the beginning. She’s encouraged me with her comments and responded with heartfelt concern. I dig Raspberrys photos, food, and marriage. The fact she lives in Singapore makes her life even more interesting.

Hummingbird Redemption, Raphael is someone you want to follow as well. She has an amazing survival story, she home schools her daughter, and they’re constantly out on the town exploring and learning. Her writing is just as eccentric as she is. She grabs the heart usually in the middle of her post, I love how she twist and turns your heart in her writing.

Thelonerose, She is good people. I think you may be following her, but I still want to mention her blog. She has lost it all. She has a way of writing on grief that I can’t explain but it’s moving. She lets you in on her every day life all the way down to the guy who delivers her groceries. I also like that she gets involved with her readers and involves you in her walk. She’s down to earth and if she lived near me. I know we would have coffee and hang out.

DearLilyJune, She writes life lessons of what she has learned to her daughter. She writes on mental illness, marriage, love, and lots more. Her writing is clean, she’s descriptive, and always heartfelt. She is another gal, I think we could be friends in life. I will tell her now why I have the chance. We are both in the Mid-West just so she knows…

Last but not least

Opinionated Man, You will learn a lot of do’s and do not’s, you will meet other bloggers, and he will be a voice in your head, if you can roll with his flow. You don’t have to agree with everything. I have taken his advice on several things when it has come to my blog, He didn’t steer me wrong at all. He always gets back to you when you ask questions and he’s busy but always makes time.

Enjoy yourself freebird, blogging takes time. I think if you stick with it, you will find people like yourself. If it’s just a few, it’s the greatest thing in the world to meet people who understand where you’re coming from.

 

A Stranger, A baby, The Doctors Office, Any Thoughts?

I had an appointment, with the doctor’s office today. I left about 1: 40. I planned out which route I was taking and figured, I had plenty of time. I ended up being off on my directions. I realized I wasn’t making time like I should. I  started talking out loud to the drivers around me, my heart sped up, my breathing sounded like I just finished a marathon, I put my blinkers on and pulled over on the side of the road. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Then decided to type the address into the gps. I thought about calling the office and telling them to forget it, but pressed on. When I got there, I rode  an elevator to the fourth floor. I checked in at the desk. They told me my doctor was one floor down, I went down to the third floor and checked in.

They called me back. They checked my vitals, asked me what was going on, and  ran a few test. I had asked them to refer me to a specialist. After giving me a new medicine; she asked if it was okay if they could get back with me tomorrow. They were a  nurse down and running behind. I told them it was okay by me. On my way out, I decided to ask the front desk for a doctor’s note, just in case my job wanted proof of my visit. The lady told me she would ask the nurse in the mean time, have a seat. It will be a minute.

I headed towards the back and couldn’t help but notice a  thin woman, with shoulder link, dirty blonde hair, and a baby seat at her feet. The baby was cooing, screaming, jabbering, and laughing at the fact his mom was in his presence. I sat down and he was making his joyful noise. I looked over contemplating to ask her if I could see him. I decided to leave well enough alone. I checked my email, social network, and games, I hear a woman say, “mam” I looked up. That thin blonde says, “My phone broke seven days ago can I use yours? I need to call my mom.”  Sure you can! She dials her number “Mom can you pick up Zoe? The doctor’s office is running behind. Matt says she’s been missing me lately.” I think her mom asked her again what she said, because she repeated Matt says she’s been missing me lately. They said goodbye. She handed my phone back, and said thank you. She said she had been sitting in the waiting room for a while. I explained that one nurse was doing the job of two. She said she was looking forward to seeing her daughter and that her daughter loved being a big sister.

She took about three steps back. Grabbed the car seat, putting this short, chunky, fuzzy, light red-headed, brown-eyed, hunk, of burning baby love. Right smack dab in front of this BABY FEVER MAMA!

He gave me that look, babies give when they don”t turn their head, just there eyes. We were both in a stare down. She whipped out her wallet, showing me her daughter, then tells me she has two more but they’re her husbands. I’m still in a trance with the baby and trying to focus on what she’s saying. I gave him a big smile and asked him if he had stranger danger, in my softest, overwhelmed with joy way. His mom is telling  me she lives with this baby boys father and his two kids. They have full-time. The state took the children permanently from their mother. We live with his grandma because she raised him since he was born. “How many children do you have?” I have one boy with my husband and he has two children with his ex-wife. “Does he see them a lot”  He sees them about four times a year, give or take a few. “I can’t have any more children, did you know, they take the whole fallopian tube out now, when you get a hysterectomy” no, I did not. ” Do you think you will have anymore” Well, I’m pushing forty more than thirty, my sources say, no. “I’m thirty-five and understand where you’re coming from” The baby begins to work up a fuss. She rocks him with her foot, it’s not helping, she bends down to pat his head and he starts crying. ” I didn’t want to bring him to my appointment today”  I asked my mom, my friend, and my boyfriend, all they had to do was sit with him while I went into the office” The lady from the front desk comes up and hands her gift certificates to the Bean counter, it’s a coffee shop. “These are for you, since you have been waiting a while”  She says: “thank you” and the nurse comes out and calls her name to see the doctor. “It was nice to meet you”  I said likewise. Then I bent down to that short, chunky, fuzzy red-headed, brown-eyed, hunk, of burning baby love, with my softest, overwhelmed with joy way and said it was nice meeting you more!

His cheeks shot up to his eyes, making them wider, brighter, just like he made my day!

Reminder

I was in a residents room giving her, her medicine. She asked me to write down a phone number her  brother had left on her answering machine. I was just about to push play when the phone rang. I answered the phone “Longstckings  room”

“This is her brother, can she come to the phone”?

“Sure”

I handed the phone to her and she motioned me to wait there till she got off the phone. I stood listening to their conversation about how he would be home this year for Christmas. She had a smile from ear to ear on her red flushed face. She asked him how his kids were doing, his wife, and how long he would be here. She answered back  “Oh wow” and quickly her voice changed and her smile came down a few notches “I know you have to see your wife’s side of the family too.” The next questioned he asked was what she wanted for Christmas? She paused for a minute then said she could use a photo album, cold coffee, and cookies. She then said “you know what you could really do for me”?

Bring the girls to the home and can all go down to the dining room and listen to you play a few songs on the piano.

10 Minutes Ago

I gave Emmet her medicine. She asked me to look up a song by Skeeter Davis. The name of the song is called “Oh The Loneliness Goes On And On And On”. I could not find it anywhere for her on YouTube? I asked if she knew the album it could be on, she shook her had no. She asked me to name the albums that did come up. I named the albums plus a few of the songs on each one, one of the songs were “Tell Laura I Love Her”. She asked me to play that and then play “The Answer Song”.

Me: What is “The Answer Song”

Emmet: “Tell Tommy I Love Him”

If you haven’t listened to them, you should, sometime.

I found the song and played it for her. My curiosity got the best of me as I sat and watched her sing the song word for word, her neck tilted, and her hands on her heart.

Me: Emmett, do you think of anyone in-particular when you listen to all these love songs by Skeeter Davis?

Her: Yes, well I used to anyway. We broke up a while back ago. You remember Archy Bunker?

Me: Yes Emmett, I do. What happened with you two?

Emmett: I can’t talk about it, it wouldn’t be right.

Me: Ooo, come on

Emmett: Well on our “last Date” (which by the way is another song by Skeeter Davis) Archy, he passed gas and the Odor was too much…

Crying-Out-Loud

Last night cooking supper I noticed our bird hanging upside from his food bowl. I gave our parrot a smile and continued fixing our supper. When I walked by the cage again he was sitting on the bottom with his green feathers puffed out. I stood at his cage for a moment staring in on him. He usually don’t  sit in one place at the bottom of his cage. He either rubs his beak trying to get something off or he’s picking food off his floor. I read one time in a parrot pamphlet, “its abnormal behavior for them to be sitting on the bottom” I bent down opened his door and grabbed him out to take a closer look. When I put him on my finger he didn’t clinch it with his tight sharp grip, I embraced him in my hand and gently flipped him over to check out his feet thinking he may of hurt one, this was not the case. He did not fight me at all while accessing him and upon noticing this my heart started beating faster, thoughts racing and it was getting harder to focus. I then notice him opening his beak but nothing  was coming out, not a chirp or peck. There was a bit of food on his beak which calmed me down, for a second thinking this was the problem. Unfortunately, he was still struggling to breath. I put him back down realizing he was on his way out, opened the back door where my husband hangs out on the deck and chain smokes. “Steve the bird is dying, what the hell did you do to him”? My husband being his calm self “nothing” he continued to puff away as the door slammed! It took a minute to start rationalizing because of hurt and panic. I knew he was dying and also new that it was too late in the game to head into town to the vet. The last time one of my animals went into respiratory distress. I got to the office, handed him over to the vet, as he started toward the back to check him out, the kitten died. The vet billed me for the hand off…

When Steven came in, I shared my thoughts on the subject, he did not disagree. We took Saltine in our room to pass. I felt this was to heavy for Gabe to know and watch.”Salty” died minutes later. I cried the rest of the time cooking supper my husband called out my name which was a prompt to “get a hold of myself'” I still stood at the sink slowly washing dishes with my back turned to my son. He then started telling me a story and when he was done. He asked me a question about his story. When I wouldn’t turn around he started digging his way in front of the sink and me “mom answer my question” ( I would have if I knew what he had asked).

“mom are you crying over my story”

“yes with a loud wail”

Million Dollar Night Gown

This post is older. I wanted to share it with you. I have gained three or four more followers since. I also wanted to thank all of you for following me and all your encouragement. You know how to make a gal feel welcome.. I have enjoyed your journey’s as well and look forward to many more of your post. Thanks again.

Life In My Tin Can

As a young girl my grandma helped my dad out a lot on the weekends. When my dad had to work. On Friday’s she would come to get me and my brother.

My grandma was a bit more laid back then my father with getting our way. We’d   go shopping for clothes, toys, and out to eat. You know the things most grandmas do?

She always enjoyed having us stay over.

The second you walked into her house it was like walking into a different world. She would greet us with a smile and hug. My childhood troubles would be lifted like a book-bag loaded with seven or eight books at her door. She would ask questions about our lives. What our you working on in school? Do you like your teacher? hows your dad been? I would answer her questions but tell her more about the bullies in…

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