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“Tis better to have loved than lost than never loved at all”

Day Four: Serially Lost 

Today’s  Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life and isn’t anymore. Today’s twist: Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

If you had the power to change one thing about this world what would it be and why? Please feel free to leave your answer in the comments.

In my last post we talked about songs that had important meaning in my life. In which I told you Phil Collins, In The Air tonight: reminded me of my friend Nikki and her mom. She was the first friend in elementary school I ever had. She is my lost someone who isn’t anymore.

"God has a habit of picking up nobodies and making them sombodies."
“God has a habit of picking up nobodies and making them sombodies.”

The school we both attended at the time was predominately all white. She was the color of a Snickers Bar and  I was a bit lighter like the background of a Cheerios box. We both had coarse curly hair, only with hers you could see her curls, since her mom knew how to manage it. My hair was just a thick, short, frizz ball of fuzz that stood straight up.

My friend and I would have sleep overs. We would always play with each others hair especially when our hair was wet. We would have competitions about who’s hair was longest. She would always win. This did not bother me. I was just glad to have a friend who was like me. She didnt stare at me, she didn’t ask me questions about my dad, Why he had red hair and was white and I was dark with hair that didn’t necessarily add up! She loved me the way people should love regardless of color, gender. size, age and anything else that will fit into this category. She was the only black girl this “black girl”  had and I’m not black, but it was the way kids and adults seen us, from the “outside.”

I lost understanding and equality when she vanished from my life.

I never knew what she meant to me until the day before yesterday. My thoughts have come back to her all my life. Recently my dad sent me a message it was a link to her dad’s obituary, When we were asked to write about the songs that had significant meaning “In The Air Tonight” was the first song that came to the shore, now here I am writing this post about loss and yet she shows up again…

This is why I been writing. To get down to the nitty-gritty of all the things that have been laying dormant in my life for years. I won’t lie somethings have lingered especially the bullies but I’m pressing forward in hopes to forgive those who know not what they do. I have been held hostage long enough and I,m to old to be looking over my shoulder wondering why these kids treated me the way they did.

Steve and I have been looking for houses. This has been an ongoing battle in more ways than one. The more time it takes, I realize “What I am looking for is not out there its inside me” Helen Keller

Daily Post · friendship · love

Writing 101 More Mumbo Jumbo

Prompt: Write about three most important songs in your life- what do they mean to you? Today’s twist you’ll commit to writing practice. This is all free writing emty your mind onto the page. Don’t censor yourself; Let the emotions or memories connected to your three songs carry you.

I have never been one to be real attached to music to where I go crazy over artist or a song I don’t know all the names of songs on the radio or the bands I just listen and if it happens to be a song I enjoy then I play it until something else comes along

the songs that came to mind when I read this prompt was Paint Me A Birmingham by Tracy Lawrence I love the way he describes the outside of the house with the porch, swing, the edge of town i have it all pictured in my mind looking like a decent size cottage with more front yard then back not to many neighbors and just enough trees to where it don’t hide the house. I have lived in a Mobile home the majority of my life and ache for the day we find this house.

The next song that came to my mind is In The Air Tonight Phil Collins My first best friend ever was a girl I met in kindergarten or the first grade can’t remember she came right up to me in daycare and started playing with me the friendship took off from their she was the first friend I had and went to stay the night with she lived with her mother in an apartment her mom would have friends over and they would read to us, fix supper, and just include us in their visits for some reason when we all laid down at night her moms room was next door to my friend’s room this song would always play in the middle of the night at the time the song was erie I laid there while my friend sawed logs wondering if her mother was okay a few years later her mom died of a heart attack when my dad told me she died I was so young I kind of new something was different but not like the impact it has on me now in my older age my ears are aching, I can hardy swallow, and I’m crying not just for the loss of her mom but the friendship when grams and dad took me to the funereal she was quiet, shy, and withdrawn one point when I walked up to her she hid behind a relative and hung her head down staring at the floor I realize there was lots going on for her that I myself could not imagine since her mother was all she had but if she is out there reading this somewhere someday you have always been in my heart Nikki

The next song is silly and when the few people who know me especially my friend Christy will say give up woman but you all asked for it is by Bon Jovi Always the summer after high school the first guy I ever got to call my boyfriend for the whole month we dated plus got a lot of practicing kissing that is all we did was made out no more no less now so don’t let your imaginations runaway with you he had some things going on in his life that is not my business nor did he ever try to make it my business my mom says it’s a good thing and she was right since he walked away from the relationship before I ever  got to know him we didn’t have any turmoil so the relationship was not crumbled the crush was left where it was and what I made it to be my mom says sometimes its good to keep it there because it’s not what you have made it out to be she also told me we were young and some relationships have to do with timing and it was not the right timing Shelley it had nothing at all to do with you!

P.s I’m way behind and my assignments will be discombobulated!

Children · Daily Post · Family · Home · memories

Bedtime Last Night

Head to “Blogs I Follow in the Reader. Scroll down to the third post in the list. Take the third sentence in the post, and work it into your own.

A Little Bit Of Everything: Clash of Clans, Goodreads, wordpress, Kobo, facebook, and Twitter

Prompt: Woo we, someday instead of barley having time for one of the activities above, I might be able to participate in them all.

IN THE MEANTIME IN-BETWEEN TIME

Last night when Gabe was getting ready for bed, we noticed a bright light on outside his window.

Which is odd for the hour…

We both pressed are noses to the window to see Steve (my husband) out there fiddling around in the shed.

Gabe and I both look up, not saying a word, gazing at each other curiously for more than a few seconds, then he turns back pressing his nose on the window and says…

Mom: What is that scallywag doing out there?

Children · Daily Post · Family · friendship · Home

Be Kind And Rewind or (Weave)

Weaving The Threads: draft a post with three parts, each unrelated to the other, but create a common thread between them by including the same item-object, a symbol,- in each part.

Prompt: The summer of 1990 I was twelve or thirteen and had just had my open heart surgery. My parents one night during my recovery process decided to go out and have some dinner. My “grams told them to take a break and she would stay with me.

During their meal, they got acquainted with the waitress. She had asked them if they were from “around the area”? My parents told her no. We are staying at the Ronald McDonald House our daughter is recovering in the hospital from heart surgery. The waitress started crying at their table. She told them before she walked away she would be “right back” they thought she might have had to go and get a hold of herself? When she came back she had a chocolate cake and told them the meal was on the house!

This Christmas my husband and I decided not to use any credit cards. So When buying for our kids we made a budget for each one. Mind you his kids do not live here with us they stay with their mother in another state. So after getting a bit carried away. We started adding everything up. I had went over about twenty dollars on Gabe, so I had to quit. Gabe tells me two weeks before Christmas he wants a new bike, there was nothing I could do the gifts that we had bought were online and things he and needed as well.

I did not mention to anyone about this situation because I did not want to make others feel we were asking them for help.

A couple of days later my friend Audra text me. She works at a homeless shelter for woman. Every year they have a huge give away, a meal, clothes, and toys (new ones) for family’s who can’t afford presents for their kids. In her text she said they had one bike left, it had been given anonymously and even had “Training Wheels” if I wanted the bike it was mine to come pick it! The bike was red my son’s favorite color.

I have been blogging for over a year now and I want to publicly thank another blogger

Thank you for befriended me just a few days after I started this journey and telling me I could ask for help anytime. Then following through with your words. I would email her asking how to do the daily prompt,she sent me word for word instructions more than once, I messed up my blog by changing my username and ended up changing my url, it was a mess, I tried to fix it on my own by texting the site itself but did not get anywhere with that route,she even took up for me when the question that I had asked on this site was not clearly answered, she basically went out on her own and got my site all squared away, it took her lots of her own time. The other day I wrote a story on my facebook page and she had asked me in the comments “why  didn’t you write this on your blog”

Photo Credit: Www.sweetonveg.com
Photo Credit: Www.sweetonveg.com

Diane

Your words that day has put a Getty up in my blogging. I wasn’t for sure this cup of tea was for me, it’s getting better all the time Diane. Thank you and for the person you have shown me you are!

Children · Daily Post · Family · Grandma · Home

“Places In The Heart”

Photo credit: www.Indb.com
Photo credit: http://www.Indb.com

Hello Fifty,

Sitting here at the kitchen table this A.m it’s cold, quiet and peaceful in the “Tin Can” an owl is outside hooting and I am at the table writing my thoughts down over a warm cup of coffee.

I sit here thinking about dropping Gabe off at school this morning, it’s becoming a daily thought. Every morning when dropping him off at school before he goes in, he turns around and blows me a kiss. Lately it’s been something I sit and wait for, even though the cars behind me are most likely in a rush? It’s our time, shortly it will be but another artifact that we tuck away in the chambers of our hearts.

The thing about the heart is it never gets full of all the places and moments we have been in. The more you open it up and stuff it with the Good things, when the bad things happen you always have a place to go.

Recently,I had to take a trip to the hospital. Lets not go into why, because it’s not my focus for the few people reading. However it does not down play that I was afraid. I laid their scared, cold, and worried that they wouldn’t get the problem under control or maybe they’re was more going on… After making a few phone calls and being to upset about the situation, I had to get a handle on myself and by doing so I go back to the phantoms of my yester years.

I closed my eyes

This particular memory reminds me of a warm blanket and it covers me and my fears.

The day was dark, foggy and rainy not the hard rain though more like a mist! I was not feeling well at all. A few days after my open heart surgery as a child, being a kid you don’t express your sickness the way you do when you’re an adult. This is why we have parents or what the definition is as a parent to me. My “step mom” Lin came up by herself for some reason and asked me how I was feeling? I didn’t say much but looking back from now to then, I didn’t have too. She pulled up a chair next to me and just sat there not saying a word. To be honest I couldn’t tell you how long she sat there either. When I did wake up she had put this giant red heart balloon with legs and a smiley face in place of where she sat.

Linda,

though the day outside remained dark, wet, and ugly it lit everything up including myself. So I took that day and shoved it inside one of my chambers and you will forever be sitting there with your umbrella catching all the rain and reminding me in every dark place there is a little bit of light.

Once upon a time, “Grams” took my older brother and I too our first movie. The movie title has always been the title of how I get through life and where you will usually find me in the raising of my own son and it’s “Places In The Heart”

 

 

Children · Family · love · memories

Saturday Sneak Peek

We spent a great deal of the evening at Lincon Park on Saturday it was the warmest its been in a few months.
We spent a great deal of the evening at Lincoln Park on Saturday it was the warmest its been in a few months.
We went to eat at I hop Gabe insisted I Hop is his favorite resteraunt be fore eating he said "Let Me Take A Selfie"
We went to eat at I hop Gabe insisted I Hop is his favorite resteraunt before eating he said “Let Me Take A Selfie”
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This is what I call “getting His Silly’s Out!!
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We camped out on the floor all night watching movies, that is our dog Murphy he don’t miss a thing we do!

 

Daily Post · love

I Want To Know What Love Is Not

Daily Post

Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

Love is not always ready for love because you are

Love is not holding people hostage with money, secrets, lies, or pity

Love is not hitting someone or abusing them with words, such as stupid, ignorant, ugly, fat and looser

Love is not destroying someone elses happiness because you’re not

Love is not bragging to everybody what you have when they don’t, if your relationship or marriage is good people know it you do not need to post it up in neon flashing lights

Love does not hinder someones potential

Love is not living someone elses life for them, no can be just as healthy as yes

Love is not writing people off because there not living as you wish

Love is not for a certain class of people

love is not a word and it’s not for the weak!

 

 

 

 

Children

No Bashing

Mommy Question: Lately Gabe has learned about fires in school and was given a book called the sprinkleman. We have read it a few times before bed, afterwards he has been asking me questions, which is alright because lets face it! They do happen so we have to  talk about them and a plan.

So here is my question to You: How have you discussed this with your children? Do you have a plan? Do you talk about fires? Do you go into detail with your children? My son is five and he is asking about his toys, the pets, mommy, daddy, and why we don’t have sprinklers in our house. I don’t want to change the subject but also don’t want him to worry about the things I should be worried about…

I also like to stay truthful and not gloss things over too much because I belive we need to be prepared for the What ifs?  and I can’t tell him it’s never going to happen.

 

Children · Daily Post · Family · love

Memory Of The Loving (Fake Obituary)

Prompt: Write Your Obituary:

Shelley 37 of WordPress passed away during a vacation with her husband Steve thirty-nine and Gabe five. They were visiting Jersey Shore she wanted to introduce her son to the Ocean and had never been to the East Coast. During their visit to the shore her son swam out a bit to far in search for “Bikini Bottom” She was able to save him  as she handed him off to her husband Steve her feet got caught in an old fish net, before it took her under she told Steve she was so thankful it was her out there instead of the alternative. The cost of coming home without her son was a deadly one.

She was preceded  in death by her grandmother Norma and her two boys who were twins Gabe and Will who died shortly after birth.

Lucky To Be Alive, Father Dan (wife Lin), Mother Patty  (husband Larry), sibilings by oldest Nate wife (Tabitha)Jeramey, Tim and Jacob

Her funeral will be held at Liberty Island, New York, NY Statue of Liberty National Monument at midnight where we will throw her ashes out into the water from the torch. Before “The Toss” fireworks will light up the night sky and there will be a BANG!

Family · Grandma · love · memories

Million Dollar Night Gown

As a young girl my grandma helped my dad out a lot on the weekends. When my dad had to work. On Friday’s she would come to get me and my brother.

My grandma was a bit more laid back then my father with getting our way. We’d   go shopping for clothes, toys, and out to eat. You know the things most grandmas do?

She always enjoyed having us stay over.

The second you walked into her house it was like walking into a different world. She would greet us with a smile and hug. My childhood troubles would be lifted like a book-bag loaded with seven or eight books at her door. She would ask questions about our lives. What our you working on in school? Do you like your teacher? hows your dad been? I would answer her questions but tell her more about the bullies in my life. She’d  quietly waited til I was done talking and tell me she was sorry to hear those things and that she loved me and to her I was special.

All the way up into my late twenties we continued to have a healthy relationship. I would still go over and stay all night. We continued shopping, going out to eat, and taking long drives, especially in the fall to see all the leaves changing colors.

In Illinois we have lots of trees one on top of the other so our falls here are stunning it’s worth the while. Sometimes we would just stay in. Those times were my favorites because we would talk for hours about her past with my grandpa, my future, shed tell me stories about her siblings, and all the places  she traveled with her friends George and Dorothy.

During those times around her house my “Grams a Million” would always wear her night-gown. She dressed up to the nines when she went out. The clothes she wore she liked but some of them not so comfortable so if she was home she always had her night-gown on.

The gown was slick and light. They were not attractive at all. She had a million of them in a million different colors. They had a peasant low-cut neck, if you didn’t tie it with the dull drab strings, you could see some of her pale chest. The sleeves were short and airy, they had bolts of red, blue, and purple all over that looked liked streaks of lighting.

The backdrop of the gowns were black which made her blue eyes, pale skin, and short dark hair standout. The gown stopped below her knees. she was short and you could see her skinny white legs. She was always barefoot when she was home. Which I loved. To me it said she wasn’t in a hurry. You could take off your shoes and stay awhile.

Many late evenings when we were lounging around watching the Golden Girls in her night gowns. I sat and watched her rocking in her orange chair. knowing that one day this time would no longer be… Maybe that was odd but its the truth. We have to embrace that our loved ones will not be with us on earth forever.

I am so thankful and blessed for the twenty-eight years we had together.

Shortly after her passing I was able to go over to her house by myself. I walked through the house slowly touching and going over everything she had worked hard for all her. Like I was in a museum of old artifacts listening to her explain all the details of each piece. I thought it would bother me seeing it all packed and piled high.

At the end of my journey picking through things wondering if I should take this or that… With a deep sigh, I walked into her room, opened her drawer full of night-gowns, Anyone  would do. She wore them all. I grabbed her old photo albums, laid across her bed, admiring her younger years, and pretending she was there with me.

When I left that day I took her one night-gown with me because it was my Million Dollar Treasure.